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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » best friend's boyfriend

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Author Topic: best friend's boyfriend
Member # 41749

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okay so my best friend went to the Dominican last Saturday and gets back tomorrow. while she has been gone i have found out that her boyfriend of a month and a half cheated on her in June. she hasn't had a boyfriend in a while and i know she likes him a lot. he says he likes her too.
I am just wondering if i should tell her and how

-Caitlin :)

Posts: 54 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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This is one of those kinds of calls that people tend to have different opinions about.

Personally, what I try and do with things like this is consider two things a) what I think I'd like someone else to do for me in the same situation and b) based on the person at hand, what I think they would want. Myself, I'd want to be told, especially since if she's sexually active at all with this person or is going to be, beyond broken emotional agreements, there also may be serious health risks at play if this guy doesn't tell her himself.

Another personal tip? What I might do is talk to the guy FIRST, tell him you know, and suggest it really would be best if he was honest with her, rather than her hearing this secondhand. It may be that even if it's hard and she's hurt, that if it's handled well and with honesty, and they do care for one another, it's surmountable. But once you hear things like this secondhand, and we're then involving a partner going outside the relationship AND lying, it's pretty much going to tank a relationship.

And I also think talking to the guy first is best in the case that what you heard was gossip, rather than what actually has or has not happened.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 41749

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okay so i talked to the guy and he denied it. then i told my other best friend and she messaged the girl he apparently cheated with and she said no. but if a complete stranger messaged me about that. i would say no too.
also he said he was going to fight the kid who told me which kinda helps me lean towards the he did it side.
and another this that does not help him is he had a girlfriend and then cheated on her with his current girlfriend (my best friend)

so i dont know what to think. should i drop it? or keep on believing it? i dont want my best friend finding out later he actually did.

-Caitlin :)

Posts: 54 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Jan 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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