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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » How do I know for sure?

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Author Topic: How do I know for sure?
Member # 29736

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Hello all. I have been suspecting my girlfriend of 16 1/2 months of cheating for the past eh..4 or so, because back in August 2009, she told me she wanted a break, that lasted about a day and then she broke up with me over an untrue rumor that I was being unfaithful. That also lasted about a day, but then I made a very disturbing discovery upon inadvertently viewing her face-book inbox and seeing a message from a dude whom she had liked before me and told me she wouldn't talk to anymore. the thing that made me suspicious was the fact that these messages corresponded DIRECTLY with messages she got on her cell phone that day from her "COUSIN" who happened to have the same name as this kid she used to like. for a little background on this, she told me she'd stop talking to this kid back in July of 08, shortly after she got texts from a kid with the same name. she explained to me that the person texting her was not the kid from July, that it was her cousin who had the same name. she went on and on and told stories about her and him as kids and his mom (her "aunt") and it was all very believeable. then when i made this discovery i immediatly called her and confronted her, she tried one last ditch effort to cover it up, but once she realized she'd been caught she fessed up. i was devistated, and now its abt 2 1/2 months later and it still eats at me. she told me she couldnt explain why she did it any better than she "just wanted his friendship" everytime i bring it up and tell her its bothering me she just tells me that she is sorry n to drop it or she'll stop texting or end whatever means of communication we are using... Anyone have any guesses as to what she could have done and what i should do about the way this made me feel? Like why would she lie if they were just friends, and their conversations never crossed the friendship/romance "line"? help [Frown] [Frown]


Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 37835

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It sounds to me like you both have a deep history of mistrust in this relationship--and when people are in a pattern of mistrusting each other and being very jealous, it's often very difficult to establish healthy ways of interacting.

You can't, and shouldn't try to control who she is friends with. If you don't believe that she is just friends with this other individual and it is upsetting you, than I advise you to leave the relationship. Ending the relationship may be a wise thing to do anyways, since I'm hearing that these trust issues go way back on *both* sides.

Honestly, it sounds like she wants to be friends with her male cousin. And what name is it by the way? Because I know *many* people who share names. So unless it's a super uncommon name, having the same name alone is not proof of anything. It sounds like you've intimidated her into saying what you want to hear. She may just want the whole thing to be over, which is why she might have lied and is telling you to drop it.

Regardless, this does not sound like a healthy relationship, so you may be best served by breaking things off.

Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 29736

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thank you very much i actually called her after i posted this and she told me she never did anything disloyal to me with this kid and i called him and he told me that no malfeasance took place! good input and i thank you!


Posts: 21 | From: New York | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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