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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » To stay or go?

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Author Topic: To stay or go?
sallydoe
Neophyte
Member # 44413

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So Im kinda really confused at what to do.
I have been with a boy for over 3 months now, he wont say we are dating, infact one night are friends asked what we were and he said we were "complicated". AT that time I was living with him for a month.
After that I moved out I couldnt stay to be around him if we are not a couple why would I live with him.
SO I moved back home to my parents which is 5 hours from him, I have visited 3 times and all we do is fight but work it out... I still have alot of feelings for him but since the last time I came home he never calls or IM's me doesnt want to talk and complains when I say we havent talked in a week and blames me...
but everytime I try and tell him if he doesnt want to commit its over and he keeps telling me, he's not going to let me go so easy...
But I cant afford nor want to poor anything else into him unless he's gonna man up and actually be there for me... it doesnt help I also gave him my virginity.
I just dont know what to do he can be the nicest guy sometimes but lately he just sucks...
anything I can do or say to him to make him realize he's gonna loose me if he doesnt start treating me like his girl?
thanks

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Posts: 1 | From: Toronto | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Paty
Neophyte
Member # 44393

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from what you say you sound like you deserves better and have a guy that really appreciates you and treats you like a goddess. dont let history with him give him an excuse to treat you badly and not give you attention. i say go and find someone who can give you everything that you want and need.
Posts: 5 | From: San Mateo,CA | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
orca
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Paty, I'd just like to point out that none of us are ever likely to find someone who will give us "everything that [we] want and need," nor should we expect that from someone. Relationships are going to involve compromise. We all have certain priorities or things that are most important to us in a relationship, so we'll look to have those things met (like sharing certain beliefs, etc.), and then everything else is usually something we'll be more flexible with, like whether or not we like the same movies (unless that's really a priority for you).

sallydoe, you wrote "he can be the nicest guy sometimes but lately he just sucks." This is in only three months of dating, and already it seems there are some rather large problems. Moving in together is a pretty big step, and not something that usually happens after only a couple of months, but only after you've really gotten to know each other well and have had a lot of conversation around the topic. It sounds like things have been moving pretty fast in this relationship, and it might be a good idea to slow things down a bit and re-examine the whole relationship.

You said you've visited him three times since you left, but has he come to visit you? Have you at least met in the middle somewhere? It sounds like you are putting in a fair amount of energy without any returns, and I have to wonder why. What in this relationship do you feel has been good? What has been bad? Do you feel the good is enough to counteract the bad?

If you decide to continue things with him, how do you feel about just taking it slow again, not moving in with him but dating for a while first and getting to know each other better, then talking about a relationship, and then, after some time has passed and if things are going well, thinking about moving in together again? Is that something you feel is possible? Or do you feel pressured by him or yourself to move faster than that?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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