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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parsing out how she feels

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Author Topic: Parsing out how she feels
Member # 22679

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Background: A girl and I became pretty decent friends and eventually turned into the awkward "pseudo-friendship". By this, I mean we've made out a few times, talked a lot and we're basically more intimate than friends but not more than lovers.

Well, ultimately, what ended up happening was that I felt strung along due to a variety of reasons and decided to minimize contact with her. We talk and are cordial with each other but ultimately have gone our separate ways for the most part.

Now, the problem comes in that she called me, drunk as a skunk, while we were nowhere near each other. She was bawling, probably puking and saying how much she missed me, how much she liked me and so forth. We talked for a long time, where I tried to console her while under the influence of alcohol as well. She made all sorts of comments like how she didn't want to lose me as a friend, too. Admittedly, I felt sorry for her and in a (probably sick) way, felt better about being wanted.

I text her over the next few days to make sure she's alright and then call her later on. She claims to have no memories of the conversation and does not want to bring it up at all. More than anything, I'm pissed that she won't open a door so we can discuss this like adults. This has happened before we stopped talking as much as well and frankly, I'm sick of it. Yes, I have asked her to try and explain herself (in polite terms) but have always been denied a real answer.

The question: This is going to sound really dumb, but what do you girls think? I'm interested in hearing other females' opinions on this one.

My theories:

She got really drunk and started thinking about long since closed topics. It really upset her since alcohol has a powerful effect on people and she needed comfort.

She's trying to distance herself as well but while drinking with her friends, dwelled on it and broke down. By claiming to have blacked out, she can take no responsibility for it ever happening.

She's confused. In my own way, so am I. By no means am I shaping this to be a negative remark against her. I'm not sure how to express this in words.

She likes to string me along as well as other guys. At first, I would immediately discount it but given our previous history and her personality as I see it now, I put a little bit more weight into this one than I would have before.


[ 03-16-2009, 09:14 PM: Message edited by: Cactus9 ]

Posts: 86 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 20094

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No one here is going to be able to tell you how she's feeling - she is the only one who can do that.

Unfortunately, from what you've described, it seems fairly clear that she's just not interested - for whatever reason - in discussing what happened. At this point, I'd say the best thing you can do for yourself is let her know that if she does care to talk about anything, you're open to conversation, and after that it's up to her.

I realize that it can be frustrating to leave a situation without some sort of resolution, but you can't force anyone to talk about something, and your time is better spent building relationships with people who are willing and able to communicate in a healthy way.

[ 03-16-2009, 09:30 PM: Message edited by: Karybu ]

"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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