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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Just wondering

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Author Topic: Just wondering
Member # 42271

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Hi, I'm new. I hope I'm in the correct place.

I'll start by saying I'm over 18 and I'm kind of embarassed by what I'm going to ask.

I've been talking to this guy online for about a month. He wants to meet up this weekend and though I'm nervous, I think I want to as well. I'm nervous because I'm embarassed I met him online. I'm a shy, quiet person and meeting people any other way is hard for me.

Anyway, I'm a cautious person as well so we are meeting in a public place. But here's the thing - he's not pressuring me to do anything and doesn't believe in sex on the first date. But he wants to kiss and touch, have me touch him, etc.

I also should mention that I'm very inexperienced at my age. Virgin, never kissed, never even seen a man naked before. A part of me wants to do all that, explore with him without going too far. But it's our first meeting.

As an adult with no experience with any of this, would it be completely terrible, "easy" of me to want to explore a little in that way even if we just met? How long should one wait before doing something like that?

I can explain a little more later if I need to but I feel dumb just posting the above.

Thanks for the help.

Posts: 3 | From: usa | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42271

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If anyone has any advice before tomorrow, I'd really really appreciate it.
Posts: 3 | From: usa | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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In all honesty, while I think it's good he voiced his wants, we generally really can't know until we meet someone in person if we ARE going to want to kiss them and touch them. Chemistry is unpredictable, and we tend to vibe out a person best in person, versus online.

So, I personally would suggest meeting him and seeing how YOU feel when you do. The term "easy" is actually a whole lot of sexist yuck, so I'm not going to climb on board with that one. But if you feel like you want to kiss someone, and they you, when you meet them I don't see anything wrong with that.

I would simply advise keeping a first meeting via someone online public the whole time, especially if you don't have any life experience yet with dating.

Is this person aware of your history per dating? Are you aware of his? How different is that level of experience?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 42271

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Thank you for replying.

We spoke about it so he knows. He is more experienced than I am and in all honesty, I think we could talk a little more about it.

I guess another issue I'm kind of worried about is the fact that I'm just anxious to get this first time over with. I know it's supposed to be valuable and memorable but I feel like at my age (over 20, under 25), it should have happened already. I don't value my virginity anymore and I think that might cloud my judgement.

Does that make sense?

I've been reading around and I realized my 'issue' isn't really as important as others I've seen here so thanks for taking the time to offer advice.

Posts: 3 | From: usa | Registered: Feb 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1679

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Everyone is please don't feel like this is somehow not worthy of consideration. We're happy to talk about these issues with you.

Let me throw out a couple of things...first of all, there's no rule that a first time is supposed to me more valuable or memorable than anything else. Virginity is very much a social construction, so it has whatever meaning (or lack thereof) YOU want to attach to it. If you don't place value on it, then that's perfectly fine.

It's good that you've talked about your experiences with him. Do you feel like you can bring it up again in discussion?

I'd agree with Heather in regard to feeling out the situation when you are actually with this person, rather than planning on certain activities before you've even seen one another. If something feels right and you feel safe in the situation, then fine.

If you're concerned about your judgment being clouded (no matter what the cause), then it's definitely wise to discuss some boundaries with this person beforehand. Do you feel like you are able to set boundaries in this?

Sarah Liz

Posts: 7316 | From: USA | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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