I apologize in advance if this post seems rather long...
Well...about a week ago I ended a relationship of two years with my boyfriend. I am suffering just as much as he is (he took it really hard.) Now, all I can think about is if I made the right decision. Let me explain...
When the relationship started everything was perfect. We made an awesome couple, and we were deeply in love. However, things started to go downhill, and 'till this day I have no idea why. He began to try and leave me, and I would beg him not to, and then he would change his mind. I'd end up crying all night for nothing, but he'd apologize the next day. (This happened about 10 times) He always asked about my past, my past boyfriends, and if I did anything with them. If I told him something, he would make me feel so guilty about my past actions, and make me feel like a bad person. Sometimes he would get depressed, and cut himself on the phone with me, but say that it wasn't my fault but then turn around and say that I was causing him to do it. When I wore short pants to school, he'd get extremely jealous and when we would argue about it, call me a slut. Over time we lost a lot of respect for each other.
We both shared our virginities with each other, and I do not regret it at all. But sometimes I would feel depressed because of all the trouble we would go through to keep up the relationship, and take my anger out on him, causing us to fight. I know that he is a very jealous person and without realizing it, and blames me for doing something. For example, some guy would check me out or something, or I'd happen to look at someone the wrong way, and he'd get extremely angry. In front of his friends, he'd say stupid crap about me that wasn't even true, but I wouldn't say anything because I am shy. Eventually, everything began to wear me down and I became short-tempered and impatient. The last straw was when I was angry at him and giving him attitude, and he yelled at me, saying that he wanted me to die, die in a car crash or get AIDS from anyone else I do have sex with. And over time, I bottled up my anger and finally decided to end it.
So when I told him how I felt, he took it hard and became very depressed. He made me feel guilty for wanting to leave him, and mentioned that he regretted having sex with me, which hurts me so much. He said that he would kill himself, and it would be all my fault.
But I feel that at some point we loved each other so dearly..I don't know what happened. I know I am not the perfect girlfriend, but deep in side I knew that I haven't done anything wrong, when he made it feel like it was my fault. Maybe I was stupid for thinking things would change, and things would work out.
I'm sorry again for such a long post, I just wanted to get my feelings out, and I am wondering if I made the right decision. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
Posts: 30 | From: United States | Registered: Aug 2006
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Relationships end. There's no reason you need to try to elaborately justify the break, either with yourself or here. People of all ages are led to believe that having a long-lasting relationship is ultimately good, and that leaving it for almost any reason in the book is bad.
This guy was abusive and awful towards you. His depression and whatever sort of psychological issues he had were no excuse to treat you like that.
Cut him loose and don't look back. Don't let any of his attempts to guilt you into coming back work. That includes suicide threats-- not only is that often an empty threat, there would realistically be nothing you could do to prevent him from taking his life. Rebuild your self-esteem, take some time to rediscover things you love to do, and get on with your life. You're free.
[ 08-01-2006, 03:12 AM: Message edited by: Miss Lauren ]
Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005
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