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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » too much jealousy?

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Author Topic: too much jealousy?
DreDre
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Member # 2988

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Hey everyone,
im in this long distance relationship with my girl, when we're near each-other we're fine with the jealousy issue but when we arent any little thing sets both of us off, what do i do to make it better?

Posts: 11 | From: CA | Registered: Mar 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
glitter695
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Long distant relationships are hard and jealousy has a big part in long distant relationships.

Also trust and communication is a big issue in a relationship, you have to talk to your babe and tell her how you truley feel.

What kind of little things are you talking about? Like talking to another guy or hugging another guy?

Right now I say talk to her, I can't *tell* you what to do to make it better because that is up to both you and your girlfriend.

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*~*~12/3/99*~*
*~*~*~I LOVE YOU BOB FOREVER AND ALWAYS*~*~*~

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't" -Erica Jong<~~~no thats not me :)

*~*Scarleteen Advocate*~*


Posts: 1978 | From: NY:) | Registered: Oct 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
DreDre
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little things like if she comments on some guy hitting on her, the thing is, is that i think it bothers me more than it would because im not there and i cant how she reacts towards it, but then again its not really her fault. And its the same with her, if i tell her i went to a club with some friends, her first question is "did you meet any girls" you know? we're just really defensive about it and i dont know what to do
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Lin
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I think what happened is that you guys didn't set any guidelines for yourselves before you got into this long distance relationship.

Guidelines like both of us won't kiss another peron. Just simple stuff like that.

And maybe you should start now. And also, I think the two of you need to sit down and have a good talk. Understand that trust is very very important in any relationship. Much less a long distance one.

Do the both of you have any reason to be suspicious of the other party? If not, learn to let it go. It will take time but you guys just have to learn how to not let this jealousy eat into your relationship.


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DreDre
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Yeah, I see what you mean by setting guidelines. That's probably the best thing to do now in fact. Thanks guys, I was sorta confused but you helped, both of you are women right? That's probably why you two could help me out and none of my guy friends couldn't lol. So thanks again.


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emsily0
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hey, i'm in a long-distance relationship, too, and i know just what you mean. but, i mean, you guys can't be watching each other every second of the day, you know? i don't know how long you guys have been together, but i know a big part of having a successful long-distance relationship is being able to trust each other.

my boyfriend could easily be spending his life cheating on me, and i could have like 5 other partners here, but i trust that he respects me enough not to hurt me like that by violating our relationship, and likewise i do what i can to let him trust me.

tell your girlfriend it hurts you to hear about other guys hitting on her - she probably doesn't even realize it bothers you if you don't tell her. i agree with lin, set some boundaries in your relationship. but the most important thing is being able to trust each other to keep to those boundaries.

good luck

em

------------------
Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


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alaska
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Being in a long distance relationship, too, I can only agree with what Lin and Em have said - if you have agreed with your partner where your boundaries are, it'll all be easier.

I agree with em, maybe your girlfriend doesn't realize she's hurting you whens he tells you that other guys have been hitting on her, maybe she jsut wants to show that she doesn't care about them.

At the beginning of my long-distance relationship, we weren't clear about what we expected from eahc other and what we hoped for and everything, but ever since we sorted that out and have made our committment clear, it's all a lot better. As usual, communication is the key.

So good luck in sorting this out with your girlfried, am keeping my finegrs crossed for you.

'Laska

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"I am capable of, but sometimes not interested in making myself happy."


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DreDre
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Yeah, I understand what you mean abou the telling her that it hurts me when she talks about it. But what I've tried to do is just let her tell me things and listen, and just try to control myself and eventually not let that get to me at all, but I don't know if that will work or not. But thanks to all you guys for your advice
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emsily0
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no no, dredre, i think that shoving your feelings into a hole will not help in the long run. one of the main problems with long-distance relationships is that sometimes, when you're not around each other as much, it gets hard to communicate your feelings to each other - just because of the distance, and the lack of face-to-face contact.

so why would you want to make it worse? because as i see it, basically what you're doing is creating an emotional rift between you two, and all that can do is make the situation worse in the long run.

one of my main problems with my partner is that he sometimes doesn't tell me when he's mad, just for the sake of avoiding a fight - which is basically what you're doing. it makes me insane when he does it! what's the point? all it does is make him bitter.

please, please, just talk to her, it's the only way to fix problems.

em

------------------
Love is a word that is constantly heard
Hate is a word that is not.
Love, I am told, is more precious than gold.
Love, I have read, is hot.
But hate is the verb that to me is superb,
And love but a drug on the mart.
Any kiddie in school can love like a fool,
But hating, my boy, is an art.
-Ogden Nash


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Lin
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Em is right Dre. What you are doing will mean more harm than good to your relationship.

That's what my guy used to do. He wouldn't tell me anything. Believing he could solve everything or at least if he shut up, everything would be okay.

What happened was that once something sparked him off, all the pent up frustration would come out and I would be caught by surprise.

Talk to her. Communication is so essential to a relationship. I cannot stress that enough. If you feel uncomfortable talking to her, try email or a letter? But please, just do communicate with her.


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daisygirl
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i really think that you guys should keep open lines of communication between you... and also to allow each other to express your feelings on things that are discussed. i am also in a long distance relationship and we try to be honest about everything because we trust and love each other a lot. so if you are feeling some jealousy, let her know... and then try talking about why you are jealous and how you guys can move past it. definitely keeping your feelings to yourself is not healthy because one day everything that you are keeping inside is going to explode... and it will not be fun for anyone. better to get it out now then later when its too late to fix things. i hope that helps... good luck

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i'm gonna clear my head, i'm gonna drink that sun. i'm gonna love you good and strong while our love is good and young.
--indigo girls


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