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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm 16. He's 20.

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Author Topic: I'm 16. He's 20.
That Girl 752
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Member # 31457

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Okay so here's the thing. I'm a Sophomore in high school. I met this guy at a like 5 person hick town party about 4 weeks ago. Haha. He's a Sophomore in College and 20 years old. But since we've been talking we can't stop, he's really nice.. and somewhat immature for his age [Smile] which makes me laugh. We've both agreed that we have a really good connection and like each other a lot. We've kissed and such, but we know it would be hard to have a relationship with the age difference. My dad knows I've been texting him and told me not to get involved already!! I told him i wasn't that stupid and that it was just texting.. a lie. What do I do? I think I'm beginning to like him a lot.
Posts: 29 | From: UK | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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Do you like him as a friend or more than that ? If you'd like more than a friendship with this guy, then I'd say take things slowly. I think it's great that you've spent some time just talking, it helps you both to get to know each other a bit better. If that feels right to you, you could next arrange to meet up in a public place first such as a restaurant, the movies, what have you, anything you'd like.

You're over the age of consent so that means this relationship is legal but I'd really like to be careful even though given you're in an age-disparate relationship. Some age-disparate relationships can work great, and I'm not assuming yours won't, but some of those relationships can also turn bad because the guy involved isn't necessarily dating the younger girl for all the right reasons.

I'd say it's really important to trust your gut. It can also really help to get your family and friends to meet this guy so that they can give you feedback on him. Sometimes, when we're in love and in a relationship, we might not see the red flags coming when others might see them more clearly. [Smile]

I don't want to scare you or anything, I simply though that this was something important to be aware of, to always keep in mind when dealing with an age-disparate relationship.

[ 12-21-2008, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Girl 752
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My friends all know him and they think he's funny. My older step sister who is 23 even knows of him, because my step brother used to date his cousin in highschool. All my friends think he's funny and goofy haha. But the age difference would concern my parents I think. How do I get them to believe it's okay?

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- That Girl

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, I think you have to figure out if it's okay for yourself, first. I'd say one thing to think about is how much you would really want to get involved with someone you're saying straightaway you feel is immature for his age. Personally, I haven't tended to find immaturity funny when I get seriously involved with someone, because that's tended to result in my having to feel more like someone's parent than their partner, and in folks like that having a hard time, for instance, with responsibilities like time management, birth control or safer sex or my boundaries.

His being immature may also make it tough for him to recognize that your ages are different, and that you're not 20, nor with the same sorts of freedoms he has.

I'd also say you might just want to spend some more time talking.

But if you decide you do want to pursue something, for your parents to be okay with it -- or even have that option -- he'd likely need to meet and spend some time with them. Whether or not THEY think it is okay is likely to depend on what they think of him and how he treats you.

[ 12-22-2008, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
That Girl 752
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Yeah I would have to let my dad get used to him just being 20 before he even meets him.
When I said he acts immature for his age that's just like fooling around being funny. But not with the serious stuff. I mean he's got a lot going for him. He has a good job, works and balances college and baseball which he has like training for every 3 days a week, during the off season. And last semester he had a 3.7 GPA. He just acts like a kid in a kidding funny way. He's a good guy.. and he knows my boundaries as far as freedoms. He understands but wishes it didn't have to be this way. All we can really do is talk and hang out at the ski resort.. but we have been doing that for a month.. I don't know I just really like him.

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- That Girl

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, it sounds like your first hurdle, then, if you intend to pursue this, is just being honest with your Dad.

If you keep lying about hanging out with him, when your Dad finds out, it's going to make ti even harder for him to trust either of you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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