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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I've got to re-wire my brain. A little help?

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Author Topic: I've got to re-wire my brain. A little help?
Zen Chocolate Milk
Member # 38401

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So, I've been working at this game store for a few months. There's this one manager "Bob", who I've started to like.

The problem is that I have a boyfriend, "Louis" that I've been with for over a year. Lately we hit a bit of a rough spot, and the relationship has gotten sort of routine. We had a serious talk about it last night, and now we both feel alot better about our relationship.

But back to Bob. He's 22, I'm 18. I just started college, and I haven't made a whole lot of friends, which is REALLY hard on me because I LOVE being with people. Bob was pretty mean to me when I started out, but now he's alot nicer, and he says that he likes working with me alot. On a slow night, we just got to goof around, which was cool. Sometimes he'll give me stuff, (like left over promotional items from the store) and one night he offered to buy a game for me that I can't afford. (I told him no, but thanks) Sometimes he asks me about my boyfriend, sort of like he's scoping the situation.

Now, I'm not really physically attracted to Bob, but I do feel emotionally attracted. I think it has alot to do with the stale feeling with my boyfriend, and also that I'm really craving some companionship at school.

Basically, does anyone have some advice for how to think about this, or help me view it as a blossoming friendship rather than an opportunity to flirt? I'm really trying mend things with my Boyfriend, but having this crush in the back of my mind isn't going to help.

Posts: 29 | From: Colorado | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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What I hear you expressing is that the feelings you are having for Bob are feelings of platonic friendship. You don't feel attracted to him, after all, but you do express feeling lonely, and having had a hard time making friends.

So, I'm not sure how to help you view it more that way, because when I read this, that's actually exactly what -- and all -- I see.

Can I ask if this is perhaps in part about not having had other opposite-sex friendships before? In other words, have you had those before and managed them well, including when you are also in an opposite-sex romantic relationship?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Zen Chocolate Milk
Member # 38401

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Unfortunately, I tend to fall for my opposite sex friends, and sometimes my same-sex close friends.

I don't really look at people in terms of physical attractiveness. If I'm emotionally close to them, I start to feel physically attracted.

I guess I'm just worried that this friendship with Bob (who is very outgoing and similar to myself) will overshadow my relationship with Louis (who is introverted and quiet).

But thank you for the reassurance on the platonic status. Hearing it from someone else will help me keep things clear.

Posts: 29 | From: Colorado | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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