Okay so yesterday was amazing because I spent it with my boyfriend of eleven months. Almost one year. Normally when we hang out, we watch movies, talk, or just ly on his bed and chill. Yesterday occurence had all of that, and then some. I lost my virginity, slightly. Previously in my life, i had a bad event happen and i still have memories of it. I had to tell my boyfriend to stop last night because i couldnt stand it. I know he says hes not mad at me, but i dont know. I couldn't talk to him for almost 2 hours because i felt really bad. He layed next to me and said it was alright the entire night, but that feeling is still with me. I feel horrible cause i didnt go through. I can't really tell anybody this because im scared, so im kinda venting out on here.
-------------------- -Kayy- Posts: 1 | From: Washington | Registered: Nov 2008
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When we've had sexual trauma of any kind in our past, it's often very difficult to engage in sexual activities for a while afterwards.
It sounds like your boyfriend is trying to be supportive. Does he know why you told him to stop? Even if he doesn't, it really seems like he is very concerned about your feelings and is very likely not mad at all. He may not understand completely, but that's a different issue. From what you've said, I bet he really wouldn't want you to do something that was very upsetting to you just because you felt like you had to.
Have the two of you talked about it since it happened? That might help you understand how he's feeling about it.
I also want to point out that it was very brave of you to speak up about your needs in that moment. Often when we have been through some type of trauma, it's hard to speak up, and I just want to make sure you realize that it's really good that you were able to do so.
I was raped almost three years ago, and it took quite a while for me to be 100% okay with having sex with my boyfriend. One time, while we were having sex, he did something that caused me to have a flashback. I got really upset and started to cry. He got really upset too, and we just laid there trying to comfort each other for hours. Yes we were both hurt, but we had not hurt each other . We got through it because we both care deeply for each other, and it sounds like you and your boyfriend will be able to too.
You're not alone--not at all--in this experience. What you're feeling is completely normal.
You said you can't talk to anyone about this... Is there any way you can try to see a counselor or therapist to talk through what happened to you? Or would you like the staff to point you in the direction of some local resources? (you might need to specify if you're in Washington state or DC).
Posts: 2262 | From: in transition | Registered: Apr 2008
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