Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Really confused, please help

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Really confused, please help
Haddy
Neophyte
Member # 40027

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Haddy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
ok this is kinda complicated but I really need help. I've been with my bf for about 10 months now and we both love each other completely. I also have a friend who considers himself Asexual, in that he doesn't have any desire to have sex. However recently my asexual friend and I have exchanged fantasies with each other, although I have never acted on those fantasies. But the other day I went on webcam for my friend. I got nothing out of it and he says he didn't either, but I feel really guilty about it.

I love my boyfriend more than anything and didn't do anything with the asexual friend for my own satisfaction and would never ever cheat in real life, but I'm really confused as to what to do now. I love my boyfriend and I know he loves me more than anything as well but I'm worried as to how he would react if I told him.

Please help

Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
(Just to be clear, plenty of asexuals do have sexual desires, they just don't feel a desire for a sexual partner and/or don't feel sexual attraction to others.)

So, what's your arrangement per monogamy with your boyfriend? In other words, what rules and regs did you two set up? Did you break them?

And have you discussed this with your boyfriend yet?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Haddy
Neophyte
Member # 40027

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Haddy     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
well we've not really discussed the cyber aspect of monogamy as such, but we're fine with each other having their own fantasies and are comfortable enough to talk about people we find attractive with each other.

Also I haven't spoken to him about this yet.

Posts: 2 | From: England | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Well, it sounds to me then, like you should just talk about this. Chances are that it's going to be fine, then a) you don't have this as a secret and b) you feel better.

Even if it turns out this isn't something he's okay with, now you have a boundary that's going to be a lot more clear to you both from here on out. Sometimes, there are aspects of our limits or where or how we define monogamy that we only find out about when they happen, and often, that really works out okay.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3