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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » did I lose my virginity?

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Author Topic: did I lose my virginity?
billsbillsbills
Neophyte
Member # 40004

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Just today my best friend since I was two forced me to give him a blowjob. I know it was rape because he FORCED me to...but I didn't know if this means I lost my virginity or not. Someone please help me. I need to know. Thank you. [Confused] [Confused] [Confused]
Posts: 14 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Virginity is not a medical or legal concept, it's a purely social one, and thus it's not very clearly defined. Virginity means different things to different people and different cultures at different times. That means that there is no yes or no answer to your question: how you feel about that is up to you.

But really, if I can be blunt: you were sexually assaulted. You've got bigger fish to fry than worrying about some arbitrary societal standard of 'virginity'. How are you feeling right now? Have you been able to talk to someone? How's your support system? Are you able to stay away from this guy, or will you have to see him again? If you need any help with anything, just let us know and we'll try to help out.


And if you are interested in more reading on the topic of virginity, check this out:
20 Questions About Virginity: Scarleteen Interviews Hanne Blank
Magical Cups & Bloody Brides: Virginity in Context

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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billsbillsbills
Neophyte
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I'm okay. Just a little upset... We've been best friends since we were 3 years old. Yes, I have talked to one of my family members.

And I don't really want cut things off with him. We're best friends and always will be, no matter what.

Thanks for the article too [Smile]

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billsbillsbills
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3 was supposed to be 2 years old. Sorry
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September
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Bills, I understand that it's hard to accept when a friend hurts us in that way, but really, someone who forces to engage in sexual acts we do not want to engage in is NOT a friend. Friends respect us, they care for us and they look out for us. They do NOT rape us. Do you really want to be friends with someone who has so little respect for you and your well-being?

Why don't you take a look at this:
He's my boyfriend, so how could it have been rape?

I'm glad to hear that you've been able to reach out to someone. I hope you can talk about this some more, and start to deal with it.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Blue Koi
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Hey billsbillsbills, sounds like you're going through a tough time right now, full of different emotions.

Perhaps these are some of the next steps you can take if you feel like you need to take some sort of action. Check out: My best friend raped me last year, and I'm just starting to deal with it.

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"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

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billsbillsbills
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Thanx for the articles [Smile]

PS: I'm not a girl.

Posts: 14 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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We try hard not to assume anyone's gender here, bills, so I don't know that anyone assumed you were.

The information we gave you also isn't gender-specific. Certainly, we know that women do tend to be raped more often than men, but rape is rape is rape, and while gender can certainly add other elements -- and what gender you are can influence your experience -- I think the links you were given speak pretty widely to the general experiences of male, female, transgender or intersexed people.

In terms of still trying to be friends with this guy, it might be helpful to consider what advise you'd give someone you cared about who was in the same position you were. Would you feel like they were safe around this person? Would you feel like it would be healthy for them to try and still maintain a relationship with someone who had raped them?

I know this is all really hard, and I know it's particularly hard to face a big betrayal from someone you have called a friend for so long, to accept that they decided not to really be your friend by doing what they did. I know it's hard to face that a friendship you had for a very long time may now be gone or ruined. I'd just also try, when sorting through all of those difficult issues, to keep your safety and real well-being in mind.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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billsbillsbills
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Thanks Heather [Smile]


PS: Great Site!

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Mortality
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Someone forcing you to give him a blowjob is not your friend. Trust me on that.
The guy I thought was my best friend did that to me two years ago... It's not ok!

Would you still want to be friends with someone who borrowed a lot of money from you but refused to pay it back later? Would you still want to be friends with someone who told your biggest secret to the whole school? Sexual assault is worse. Much worse.

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billsbillsbills
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Thanks again.
Posts: 14 | From: Michigan | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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