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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » what should i do?

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Author Topic: what should i do?
aussieboy
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hi,
im 17 in a a few months and i have feelings for a girl who is only 13 she has been a family friend for a long time, i have tried to ignore my feelings but its not easy, i can't stop thinking about her

i have not said anything to her yet and i don't know if i should.

any advice would be apreciated

[ 08-23-2008, 03:02 AM: Message edited by: aussieboy ]

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aussieboy
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bump
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ASargent42
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The age of consent in Australia is 16. So were you to do anything with her would be illegal. It might also jeopardize the friendship.

I'd sit on these feelings for a little longer. If you still feel this way when she is 16, then by all means, go for it. But until then, maybe you can keep them under wraps.

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Amanda
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Blue Koi
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This seems like a tricky situation. I agree with Amanda, though, especially when teenagers are at very different stages of development during their teenage years, both mentally and physically. When we are younger, age gaps seem a lot bigger than when we get older because we are growing so much during these crucial years.

Also, if you truly care about her, you have to consider how this will impact her as well. She may feel even more confused than you are now. Since she is younger, she may feel intimidated or vulnerable as well. These are all things to consider, and because you are older, you are responsible for thinking about not only your own actions, but how they will affect her (and you'd be responsible legally, should anything happen between you are her).

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"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

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aussieboy
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quote:
Originally posted by Blue Koi:
This seems like a tricky situation. I agree with Amanda, though, especially when teenagers are at very different stages of development during their teenage years, both mentally and physically. When we are younger, age gaps seem a lot bigger than when we get older because we are growing so much during these crucial years.


thats one of the things that makes it so frustrating, i mean theres allmost 5 years between my parents but for them its fine but when it comes to me its not right just makes it so hard to figer out what to do.

i dont even know if she likes me so i could just be waisting my time anyway

[ 08-24-2008, 02:45 AM: Message edited by: aussieboy ]

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ASargent42
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Yes, but how old were your parents when they met/decided to get married? You have to think about maturity level too--not just mental or physical maturity, but emotional as well. The difference between a 17 yr old and a 14 yr old is much larger than a 25 yr old and a 20 yr old.

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Amanda
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Heather
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Sometimes it can help to think about age per yourself: what were you like at 13? A little different than you are at 17 or a lot?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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aussieboy
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i was alot different when i was 13 then i am now, but i had alot of problems when i was younger so it is hard to tell wether that was just me or not

and ASargent42,
i think my mum was 21 when they got married wich would have made my dad about 25 or 26

[ 08-25-2008, 11:45 PM: Message edited by: aussieboy ]

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Blue Koi
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I think that there is a big difference between a 13 year old and 17 year old dating versus 21 and 25. I can assure you that you are not the only one who felt completely different at 13 than at 17. I know I had a 180 view on life. My philosopohy on life has changed (I don't even think I knew what philosophy was back then). Plus, at 13. I know that I was just getting comfortable with my body, and I had a lot of insecurities-I needed time to do some inner reflection before becoming more confident with who I was. Now, if a much older person stepping into the picture, wouldn't it be difficult for someone younger, more vulnerable, to take in? I know it would be a lot for me.

Since you are older, you would be responsible. And know that if anything did happen between the two of you, there are probably a lot of people who would disprove. You could possibly jepordize a long-time friendship and have to deal with the judgement of others. Things to consider.

--------------------
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."

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