Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » would you consider this cheating/wrong?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: would you consider this cheating/wrong?
ak7242
Neophyte
Member # 39930

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ak7242     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Ok here's the story...

there's this girl I really like a lottt... and she likes me too, and we're in different cities so I won't be seeing her that often... anyway, I'll be seeing her next month though.... and we're not going to be sexual active.

Here's the thing... I talk to this other girl sometimes online, and basically, she shows herself to me on a webcam sometimes and in naked photos, and we pretty much just talk dirty and jerk off to each other..... that's pretty much it.

Now I dont want anything to ruin what could be everything with the first girl.... so would you consider what I do with this webcam girl cheating/ just wrong?

Posts: 8 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ak7242
Neophyte
Member # 39930

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ak7242     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
like... is this much different from watching porn?
Posts: 8 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SnailShells
Activist
Member # 35485

Icon 1 posted      Profile for SnailShells     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
'Cheating' is defined differently by different people. Some people count looking at porn as cheating, some people don't count anything less than intercourse as cheating. Are you/planning to be in a relationship wth girl #1? How do YOU feel about the webcam (you shouldn't be making yourself feel guilty)? Would you be okay with the girl you like having a similar friend?

--------------------
“I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” --John Waters

Posts: 206 | From: Bay Area, CA | Registered: Oct 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ak7242
Neophyte
Member # 39930

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ak7242     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Yeah I'm planning a relationship... I figure that as we get closer, than I'll only want her... and I do only want her, like I mean i opened a thread before of who exactly I should be thinking about when watching porn....
and pretty much down the line, I'm thinking that it'll only be her, and I think the same applies for this.

I'm stuck as far as how I feel.... on one side I don't wanna do anything that will hurt her or anything....

I really dont know if I'd be ok with her having a similar friend... I mean it's not as if this thing is everyday... it's one every couple weeks if that... I'm not sure if that's relevant.

I'm not thinking of her in that kinda way, simply because I respect her and I don't think of her simply as a piece of meat..... don't get me wrong she's hot/gorgeous... but like I said I figure that'll come down the line.

Posts: 8 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
JamsessionVT
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 17924

Icon 1 posted      Profile for JamsessionVT     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Really, if you're not at a point where you in an agreed-upon monogamous relationship, when this would be considered being unfaithful, than you have no one to answer to, therefore no way to really be unfaithful or cheat.

However, as SnailShells mentioned, if you have any intention of having a serious relationship with the first girl, this kind of thing won't be OK during that unless she agrees to it. Just something to keep in mind.

--------------------
Abbie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Love Us? Keep Us Around by Donating!

Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Just for the record...

quote:
I opened a thread before of who exactly I should be thinking about when watching porn....
That thread, if I recall the right one, was a few users expressing very personal opinions based on their ideals and relationships. What is and isn't right for you or okay with you and a partner are things you determine individually and realistically (honestly, I think we can safely say most folks looking at porn are not thinking exclusively of their partners: based on what we know from sexology, the idea that that is the case seems to largely be wishful thinking).

But whether you want one person or more than one, have feelings for one or more than one, it's your actions that matter and how they work within whatever relationship model and boundaries you and someone else agree on together. In the case of something like this, if and when you do get down to having a relationship and agreeing on boundaries, the question to ask would be if a partner is or is not comfortable with you having online sexual relationships (and vice-versa, since double-standards do not tend to make for healthy relationships).

I'd also encourage you not to think of anyone as "simply a piece of meat," whether it is the girl you are interested in or the girl you have been talking to online. They are both people, not objects, after all, and both deserving of respect. The idea that one "kind" of woman is okay to objectify and the other isn't is...well, really not okay in my book.

[ 09-19-2008, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ak7242
Neophyte
Member # 39930

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ak7242     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
No I agree... sorry if it came out like that....

In a relationship I would never do anything like this..... we're not i guess "official" just yet....

I wouldn't actually do anything with this other girl though, like, I mean, actually physically.... or any other girl.

Posts: 8 | From: canada | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
appleorchard
Activist
Member # 40302

Icon 1 posted      Profile for appleorchard     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
i believe if your attempting to make a relationship out of the first,
you should probably stay monogomous, in a way that, if your exposing yourself to the 2nd woman, i personally wouldn't be okay with my significant other doing the same.
it would also show how serious you are with trying to make a relationship out of the 1st
[Razz]
sorry with the 1st and 2nd thing

Posts: 69 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3