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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » What to do ?

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Author Topic: What to do ?
TheCitizenErased
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Member # 31269

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Hi all,
Its been a while since I have posted on here, but occasionally I have browsed through to see how the sites getting on.
Anyway. Going back a while now after I broke up with my ex I barely spoke to her (I have posted about this before I think…) but maybe about 6 months ago we began to speak again, at first it was just plain old friendly but then talk of getting back occurred, but nothing really came of it. We spoke probably daily on IM, which I can now see how it affects some peoples relationships negatively. She began to get less talkative and I got the general impression that she didn’t want to speak to me, therefore I slowly stopped. For about 2 weeks I never gave it a second thought, but when I went on holiday I kept thinking about her and to be honest it brings back memories (nice ones) which choke me up and can upset me. I tried to put it out my mind and after a struggle I eventually did.
Once I returned from my holiday I checked my Bebo profile and seen that I had private mail. It was from my ex, she wanted to know why I never spoke to her and that she didn’t know if she had upset me or something so I replied saying that I thought she didn’t want to speak to me which she replied she was sorry and never realised and since then we’ve been back to being great friends, but here comes my problem.
I feel myself beginning to fall for her again. Now I know the dangers and all the history of arguments we had but when I sit down and think I reckon we rushed into things and took things too seriously in our past relationship. I feel we’ve both become mature enough for a stronger relationship. I haven’t approached her with this but I know she may still have some feelings for me, I also get those long stares from her when she thinks I don’t notice, the smiles she gives me, the constant carrying on. This might not mean anything but I do think it means something.
I just want some opinions on what I should do. Should I speak to her ? should I just leave it ?

Thanks. [Smile]

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Im Always Wishing Too Late ...

Posts: 68 | From: The Blue Planet | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Why not see how having a friendship goes for a while first?

Friendship is a really big part of any relationship, so there's no reason not to invest time in that part of a relationship. Then, too, you both have more time to see if your dynamics really are different and also to see if you're better as platonic friends or as something else.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheCitizenErased
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I was speaking to one of my bestfriends earlier and he thought that I should maybe leave it for a while too [Smile] So far everythings good between me and her but although we have only just started being friends again I feel myself wanting more. I know this is, maybe not wrong, but foolish at the moment as I dont know if we will still be friends or whatever in the coming weeks [Frown] I really do have strong feelings for her, I would like to know if the feelings between us are mutual but I dont want to ruin our friendship just now. I do feel I have a good chance with her and this time if we were to get back together it would be better as we know how to handle our problems better with each other, but then again I might be wrong but its the risk you have to take.

Thanks [Smile]

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Im Always Wishing Too Late ...

Posts: 68 | From: The Blue Planet | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, you don't have to take that risk: that's a choice, and one we'll always want to base on what seems like the healthiest and best kind of relationship between us and someone else. You know that being romantic was really problematic: what you don't know yet, since this friendship is pretty new, is how being friends goes. Why not find out?

Sometimes, a relationship feels better because having a different kind of relationship works better. It may well be that you two are a lot better now BECAUSE you're not in a romantic relationship. Too, just a couple months ago, you had your "heart set" on someone else.

So, again, I'd just let some more time pass, cultivate your friendship AS a friendship, and see how that goes.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
TheCitizenErased
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Member # 31269

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Yeah Thanks [Smile]

To clear up about the other girl I had my heart set on, lied and decieved me and I wouldnt like to go into it [Frown] And it was not until recently I started to fall for my ex again [Smile] The way we act just now is exactly how we would act around each other when we were together, I just think that being around each other took a toll on our relationship. I plan to leave things for now and see how it plays out.

Thanks for your help [Smile]

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Im Always Wishing Too Late ...

Posts: 68 | From: The Blue Planet | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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