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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » help please.

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Author Topic: help please.
Member # 39799

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What do you do about a boyfriend who loves you SO MUCH, but who does not love himself? Who constantly says he's not good enough for you, despite what you tell him? I want to make him see how special he is to me, how wonderful he makes me feel. He's stubborn, but I love him.

And I can spend my whole life telling him how amazing he is because I see the beauty within that truth, but I hate seeing him put himself down.

What do I do?

Posts: 2 | From: CA | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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In other words, you're dating someone with low self-esteem. That actually also limits how much they can really love someone else, too.

You can't fix someone else's esteem for them, and often, you could tell that person every waking minute of every day how awesome they are and it's still a nice support, but not a fix. (You can, however, ask him to just stop saying he's not good enough. You can say you know he is, and that you hear how he feels, but it's just time to stop with that.)

What's he doing with his life? What are his other relationships like: friends, family, mentors? What does he do separate from you that he enjoys and feels good at?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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