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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » just thought it would be a good idea to write some stuff down

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Author Topic: just thought it would be a good idea to write some stuff down
May Day
Member # 39174

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atm me and my bf i feel are in a bit of a tight spot. i care about him and enjoy being with him and he is the same. Unfortunately i feel a lot of the time i'm a lil unappreciated or I’m a lil stressed out at something that perhaps isn’t ideal.

When we're together, we're either out near my uni and his work (which are v close together, which is kinda cool:)) or over at his house.

He doesn't come to mine any more, and he says it's because he didn't feel welcome or comfortable or thought i was uncomfortable having him there. I can understand his point here because he is my first partner and i really didn't handle having him come visit v well:( i love and respect my mum v much and was really awkward about having him over to meet her. she also may come off as quite intimidating so i think thats it as well. I would like this resolved though.

So there's all that crap there. it's made worse coz i have to make the effort to go all the way to his house via public transport. Because his car's broken atm he can't come pick me up. Mum thinks i deserve better than that. i don't like thinking i'm making all the effort for us to actually be together.

God the other night talking about this online with him, i just cried and cried and hated everything and was feeling so much that we should just stop because we can't be happy together.

Atm it just sounds over the top. While thinking about it (at the wrong time, while in bed in the dark when everything can feel awful) i thought that yes we probably could just end it, let it go and move on. But at the same time, i don't want to end this relationship yet, though i can feel it that it will be me that will say when it will need to stop. I want my partner to stay a part of my life a little longer. i have this nagging voice that says that all the inequality i'm feeling will go when his cars going again (in a few weeks) and he can make the effort to have me around...I hate feeling that i'm relying on this to make our relationship work. It does seem like a practical way to improve things though. It would also let him come over to mine for small amounts of time when picking me up and dropping me home, so that discomfort would lessen. I hope..

What i was thinking earlier was that perhaps it's a good idea for me to lessen my attachment to him. Like this w/e i'm not going over, we're just having a break, and we both think it's a good idea for me to have said break.

i want him in my life, but i know we can't last too long, we're at v different points in our lives. I'd really like us to be friends and really be friends. But a real transition from partners to friends physically and emotionally is a going to be a v hard process. It’s something that I’m a little afraid of tbh. I'd really like some more experienced and emotionally mature people to give me some advice about this, both for just me and for me and my bf to talk about. Please:) I want having him in my life to have been a positive experience and never meant to let it be so serious, it should be relaxed and just fun:) but while i view what we've had as postive, i don't think it has been the relaxed, ideal situation I wanted. We’re v different and I think that’s what’s made it hard.

Ugh I write all this down and then think about the good stuff we have, and it makes me think about how much I want that to progress. I’m a little stuck in the middle. Maybe I should just let our relationship reduce a bit: not make such a big deal about hearing from him every day and cut back staying over at his house. If that makes me a lil less stressed, when his car’s working again we can maybe have me come over again on sat nights. He doesn’t stop me from doing what I want to do and he’s someone who I enjoy being connected to, even if it is just having someone to send a txt msg to.

I also think it’s a good idea if I try and talk to someone about everything, maybe a counsellor at uni. If they’re anything like the doctors at uni, the will be v supportive and understanding and v practical in terms with dealing with young people and their issues. I also like that I can talk to a good friend of mine, he’s champ☺

I just want to enjoy having close people in my life. But lately I’ve just been crying so much, for reasons I can’t even spell out. Admittedly I did just start my period, so of course my hormones have been nuts lately and that hasn’t helped. Maybe something that would help is if I concentrate on accentuating the positive. I love living and being happy. I wish there was a good way to remind myself of all the positive things when I am feeling really down and just cry.

This has been a really..odd way to put it all, v spontaneous. So my apologies if it’s a lil zig zagged. I would really love to just hear some responses and advice, or anything positive I guess.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Member # 39174

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i got up from writing this feeling purged. Still a teary mess but it really is a lifting feeling to get it out of you. I'm really lately, v sensitive to anything that gets to my emotions, positively or negatively. I even cry during or after being intimate with my bf, it just happens (that's happened a few times). If anyone could give me some words about this too, it would be appreciated.
Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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May: am I correct in seeing that the primary problems here are mostly logistics? In other words, about gtransportation and who hangs out where?

How is the relationship otherwise? How do you both feel when you're together, and in the relationship? Does it make you happy? Do you feel cared for and appreciated? Do you both really like each other?

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
May Day
Member # 39174

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yea pretty much, i feel a lil put off by having to travel. I'm willing for us to just talk and maybe not really see each other all that much until the car is finally fixed again. It's a shame i think that something like location could cause such a problem, but there is an imbalance in effort.

generally, pretty happy. He's a bit depressed and i sometime don't know how he's feeling about us because he's not v vocal. plenty of the time i feel pretty happy but other times i just get there and starting feeling pretty blah. i think i anticipate something and i don't get it, like really obvious affection. Other times, like later last night, he really makes me feel very happy and v much want to be with him. At time like that i really feel cared for, other times i actually think i get disappointed because he's v casual. But at the same time...i want to have that casualness when we talk?
He took on a whole lot of nerves to tell me he loved me, he was uber nervous about that. I think he cares about me very much. We went through a v v awful couple of days a few weeks ago and i thought when we saw each other it would just end in goodbye. And he actually got teary and i got v surprised. I care about him, i really love being with him when he's happy:)
i think i'm a lil sensitive to some things, i sometimes automatically assume the worst when he says something, when often that's not how he meant it at all. I wish i could lighten up with him because with other ppl i don't assume the worst, and pretty positive.
Um, i hope that actually answered your qs Heather, thanks for being such a quick reply.

Posts: 172 | From: Australia | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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