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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » A, B, C and the problems with infidelity

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Author Topic: A, B, C and the problems with infidelity
The Plaid Minidress
Member # 38548

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I'm dating A.
I had been planning to ask her out on a Monday a few weeks ago, then I met B at a party. I know B through C. C has a huge crush on B.
And wouldn't you know, I kind of start crushing on him too. And it really seemed like he was attracted to me, too.
But Monday comes around, and after some stressing about liking him too, I go through with my original plan- asking A out. After all, I just met B, and C likes him anyways. It's just not worth it, right?
But after I asked A out, I got this massive stomachache, headache, and I kept wondering if I did the right thing. So I told B that I'm attracted to him. I don't know why. He says something confusing that may have been shyness, may have been his own confusion, or may have been him trying not to hurt me about how he's not sure, maybe he likes me, so I don't really know where he stands in this.
Another week, another get-together. I see him, we have fun, I kiss him. I kissed him in a joking-around manner, you see. But the feelings weren't a joke. I cheated on my girlfriend.
All the while, C is getting kind of distressed about how close me and B seem to be, and this bugs her because I have a girlfriend, and because she likes B.

I don't know what to do. I could do nothing and wait, I suppose. But I HATE doing nothing and waiting. I feel like I'm at a stalemate here. I don't want to hurt A, by telling her, but I feel like I should talk to these people, and upon consideration I don't know if my feelings for A have dwindled, or were just never as strong as my feelings for B. I don't know if I should talk to all these people, really. I don't know what to do. What can I do?

Posts: 5 | From: Ontario | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 35336

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I'm sorry, I'm having trouble deciphering this. Would you mind clearing things up a bit if you could?
Posts: 401 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
The Plaid Minidress
Member # 38548

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Certainly, I'll try. The essential part of it is this: I have a girlfriend. Before I asked her out, I met a boy at a party, and I fell in lust. I asked the girl out anyways, because I'd just met the boy. My best friend has a huge crush on the boy. She refuses to admit her feelings because she thinks it would ruin her friendship with the boy. Recently, at another gathering, I kissed the boy. I feel terrible. I don't know if I should tell my girlfriend, and talk to my friend, and the boy about it, or what. My feelings for the girl may be dwindling, or maybe they were never that strong. I'm worried, and scared. I need advice on what to do.
Posts: 5 | From: Ontario | Registered: May 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 33665

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Well, good communication and honesty is important in any relationship. I think it would be wise if you told your girlfriend about the kiss, especially because it's better if she hears it from you than the rumor mill, and you should always be honest with your partners. She may be upset with you, but that's something you are going to have to face up to and work through.

It sounds like it would be good for you to try and figure out your feelings for both this boy and your girlfriend, and maybe talk to both of them about your feelings for each. It would also be good for you to talk to your friend about having feelings for this boy, especially if you talk to this boy about those feelings. If she has feelings for him, too, it wouldn't be fair to pursue a relationship with him without talking to your friend and seeing how she feels about it. Friendship is very important, and you don't want to put a strain on it by pursuing someone you know your friend to have feelings for without discussing it with your friend first.

It's pretty common with younger people for feelings for one person to change pretty fast and to develop feelings for another person. However, you always need to be honest with those people about those feelings and to not mislead anyone by pretending to have feelings for them that you don't. Of course, it can often happen that we can unintentionally mislead someone, but when we realize it, it is important to be honest with that person and explain how we are truly feeling.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Posts: 2726 | From: North America | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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