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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » i've been going on dates with other guys.. hooking up with my ex. help! (kinda long)

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Author Topic: i've been going on dates with other guys.. hooking up with my ex. help! (kinda long)
justpeachy
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Hey everyone...

Well, my ex and I have a fairly long history together. We started dating when I was a freshman in high school & he was a sophomore in high school. We dated until the end of my junior year (the end of his senior year) -- both of which were in 2007.

So in this past year (July 2007- August 2007 him and I got back together for about 1 week, and then we just pretty much "hooked up" the rest of the summer).

He then went off to college in September 2007, and we didn't talk for many months. If we did talk, whether it was text message, phone call, or instant messenger, all we really said was hi, and had maybe a tiny conversation, and then goodbye. We only talked about 3 or 4 times in a span of 2 or 4 months.

I happened to see him in December 2007, and it was a day before my birthday...

Then we kinda lost touch with each other again between January/February 2008.

I got a random text from him just last month in March, and he wanted to know if I'd be around (he was coming home for spring break). I told him yeah I would be, and he wanted to hang out. We got to talking and we both wanted to "be" with each other sexually (that feeling was very mutual).

He proceeded to tell me that all these past months he thought he had really f***ed things up with us... and that he wanted to try "us" again.

He said he wanted things to work this time.

The thing was, he was going back to school after his break, and he wanted to see how things went once he got back to school.- because he wasn't *sure* if he wanted to be in a relationship again.
Well, it didn't end up lasting very long, and the way we ended this time was bad. The timing was horrible... (I had a death in my family, he didn't want to tell me IN PERSON!!, and I just couldn't believe it.)

Sure, this time I was upset at how things went down.. but I didn't cry! haha. I'm not there at that point with him and I anymore..

The thing that bugs me though is this:

He found out I was seeing another guy -prior to his return for spring break. I ENDED things with the other guy I was seeing, in order to see where things went with my Ex.
.... and I think that's exactly what he wanted! So that he could be like "oh.. well i ruined that relationship... end of story with that.." But I don't know.

Also, I've gone out on dates with other guys in the time that him and I have been broken up. (There have been 4 other guys...)

Thing is, none of these guys seem to "interest" me. Whether is be hobbies that they have, personality, looks.. whatever. I'm just not interested in anyone else!

And it's not like I'm not giving them a chance, because I am... one guy I kept seeing for about a month or two, and he asked me to be his girlfriend, but I had to say no.

This is the other issue...

I don't want to become involved with anyone before I go to college.. because I just don't want to have to put anyone through that and just be like "well I'm going to college... so... bye...??" It's just not a fun spot to be in.

BUT... for some reason I can justify going back to my ex... even though I'm going to college in the fall.


My ex and I plan to hang out this summer.. and probably hook up, but this doesn't bother me really. Last summer it was stupid for me to hook up with him because we had JUST broken up. But this summer, it seems better because neither of us are seeing anyone else... and it's comfortable because we've "been there, done that" and we both miss it.

If things progress into a relationship again with us, then that's 100% okay... but for right now, I'm okay with just hooking up with him..

In the back of my mind though, I know my ex is the guy I want... because nothing with any other guy seems right. Also, my ex hasn't dated or hooked up with anyone else whil he's been at school...

We've kept in touch pretty much this whole time we haven't been dating/been together... and if there have been times where we've lost touch for a month or 2... we always seem to catch right back up...

Anyways, I am sorry this is so so sooooo long... but any comment/input would be appreciated!! What do you think of this situation??

Posts: 61 | From: right here : ) | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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Between knowing you don't want to get into a relationship between now and college and still having feelings for your ex, I'm not surprised that you're not very interested in other people right now.

I do think you should talk to your ex about your expectations. It's not at all a good thing if he expects you to end relationships for him or if he has no intention of respecting your relationships with other people. I think it would be beneficial to set some boundaries there and discuss them.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
justpeachy
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Yeah, you are correct.. and I ended things with a very nice guy.. to GO BACK to my ex. Which was stupid.. but my ex said he wanted to work things out, and I just said alright. And of course he didn't stick to working things out with me! I should have knownnn [Frown] haha

But umm... him and I dated for just about 2 1/2 years... and then since our break up (last summer) we will hook up every once in a while.. and this last time when we "got back together" and he said he wanted to "work things out" he told me that he had been with no one else... and that he only thought of me.

I feel stupid for listening to him, because looking back on what he said now, I feel like it was ploy to just "get in my pants", so to speak.

It's kind of unnerving... but the only way I justified this was that he told me he wanted to see how things went once he went back to school... so I thought "well if he just wanted me only while he was home for break, then WHY would he continue to say that he wanted to see how things go once he was back at school" ??? What do you think??

He also made a point of telling his roommate and friends at college that he was dating me again.

Nothing really adds up... so I have a hard time trying to make sense of things.

Another thing is that he may say that he "doesn't want to be in a relationship right now" but part of me doesn't get this... because...

1) him and i are doing sexual things that him and i both enjoy

and then

2) we hang out too & have fun/goof off. and we just enjoy each others company.

To me, this seems like a relationship. I mean, obviously it's not just a plain 'ol friendship, you know??

So he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but yet everything that him and I do SEEMS like qualities in a relationship (in our past relationship)...

I don't really know what I'm asking here haha. I guess just for some input!

Thanks SOOOO MUCH!!! :-D [Smile]

Posts: 61 | From: right here : ) | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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You know, all of those questions are questions he can answer. Why not just ask him?

Also, what do you want? It sometimes sounds like you want a relationship with him, but sometimes it sounds like you regret going back to him, and sometimes it sounds like now isn't a very good time for you to be in a relationship at all. If you know what you want, it will be easier for you to determine if his goals are compatible with yours.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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