One of my friends- I love her to death, but she's terribly naïve, and has this horrible problem with dating schmucks. The most recent guy that she's dating right now isn't nearly as bad as her previous ones, but he’s still no prize. She is so enamoured by him. He tells people behind her back that she's annoying, and high maintenance. I really want to talk to her about him. She told me once that she wished someone would have told her what a schmuck one of her other boyfriends was, so I don’t think she would have too much problem with someone expressing their concern about her.
The only problem is that I've never been in a relationship, so I am worried that she will think I have no right to tell her she's in a bad relationship because I've had no personal experience. I think that myself, only I know that if I were in a relationship, I would never treat her like her boyfriends have. (Honestly, I care so much for her- I wish that she would realise that, because I could be such a better partner than her schmucks have been.)
I really want her to be happy. She seems happy now, so I almost don’t want to say anything, but it might be better in the long run. I doubt that they will last too terribly long, but she already seems fairly attached to him. I'm just worrying that I might upset her. I guess, what I want to ask is if I should talk to her about her current boyfriend, and if so, what would be a good way to bring it up? I'm so awkward; I'm worried that everything would come out wrong!
-------------------- "Ne donne un baiser, ma mie, que la bague au doigt" -Méphistophélès from Faust (Don't give a kiss, my sweetheart, until the ring is on your finger) Posts: 44 | From: Oregon | Registered: Mar 2006
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May I suggest a simple, little, sit-down talk with her? (whether it's on the phone, internet, or in person; if you can though, I suggest in person but with privacy)
You may want to prove to her that the way she's being treated, if she is truly being treated unfairly, isn't right and she deserves better. Realize though, that every relationship has its ups and downs, arguments are bound to come up, and things arent always going to appear to be 100% perfect. Now, seeing as you are worried about talking to her about the relationship because you havent been in one yourself, you might want to try to use examples of other's healthy relationships. (other friends, classmates..)
I'm also a tad bit confused about what your intents with her are.. Do you want to be more than friends? If so, not saying that you are not, but make sure that you are putting her feelings first in front of yours because she is the one in the relationship at the moment. In other words, make sure you arent just hearing what you want to hear about 'their' relationship, if you get what Im saying.
If she seems happy with the relationship as it is, but you are sure that he is going around making bad comments about her, you should probably just talk to her about it personally. Explain to her that, in a healthy relationship, that neither partner is suppose to do that.
On the other hand, if she is happy, and you arent sure if he is infact saying rude comments, until you find out all the correct information, I would suggest that you leave it be, unless something else comes up that needs to be addressed.
I guess that's all I have to say/comment on, and I'm sure she appreciates you being such a great friend.
-------------------- Young and Dumb. "Life is a balance of holding on and letting go." - Keith Urban Posts: 243 | From: USA | Registered: Mar 2008
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