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Author Topic: Did he dump me?
Alliee89
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Member # 36769

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So I was seeing this guy for about 3 months. And after not seeing him for one whole week back in january, things have totally changed. I've only seen him twice since January and it's almost march. Well I was to scared to say something to him, I don't know why, but this was my first relationship and everything was just new to me. Well I posted in here a few weeks ago and got the response that I should say something to him. Well I did, I sent him a message two days ago and it said this

"So do you just like, not want to see me anymore or something?"

I keep going over it in my mind and I keep thinking it sounds bitchy or mean or something, that's not how I meant it to come across though. I just honestly wanted to know. Well I know he read it but he hasn't sent me any response. Should I just forget about him? Its just so hard. I just don't know what even happened cause we never had any problems. Except how he always said he was coming over to hang out and wouldn't show or call. That was the only issue. I don't know what happened.

It's kind of like the whole relationship was placed on my shoulders and I've had to be the one to arrange things the last couple of times I saw him. I just miss him so much. Should I just assume things are over between us?

Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Jac_girl
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I don't think your comment sounded too bitchy, it got right to the point. There could be a lot going on here.
Your guy might have a lot going on in his life and you might not even know about it. No offense, but he might have other things that are just taking priority over you. Then again, he might not feel the same way about you and may feel bad about telling you. You guys don't sound like you were dating for very long, so maybe things just weren't working out.
Either way, you can't let it worry you. I don't know how old you are, but I'm sure you've still got plenty of time to meet new guys if this one doesn't come around. Maybe just take advantage of the time to yourself and do something for YOU. Go get a pedicure, go shopping, catch up on some reading, etc. If he comes around, talk to him about how you feel like you're the one doing everything for your relationship.

Posts: 6 | From: Mobile, AL | Registered: Feb 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angelfire
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Hey Alliee I know exactly how you’re feeling with this happening. I read your other posts and this seems very similar as to what happened to me.

I was with my boyfriend for 8 months with this sort of thing happening, not quite at first but after about 5 to 6 months things got progressively worse to the point where in the last month of the relationship I only got to see him three times, (when I picked him up from his work because I wanted to see him, not cause he wanted me to), and he stopped contacting me. Every thing was fantastic when we were together like there was nothing wrong at all, but when we weren’t together well things really sucked and I felt miserable. In the end I broke it off (almost two weeks ago) because of this, although there was another issue as well, but that’s not relevant. It was hard because we still liked each other but things just were not working out [Frown] .

Don’t assume that you have broken up yet, even though it may seem and feel this way. I would STRONGLY recommend talking to him about what is going on, which you have already made some initiative to. Ask him directly face-to-face is possible about what is going on, why is this happening, but also what else might be going on in his life which might be causing him to act this way, and in general just try and work things out. Talking to him is the best way to try and work this sort of thing out.

If you guys do break up (but I hope that you do work things out and that this goes well for you) ask yourself is it going to much different from the current situation that you are in? I can easily understand how much you miss him, but if you broke up would things be much different? You’re together now but you hardly get to see each other (and I am assuming talk to each other) so its not going to be much of a transition from hardly seeing him to not seeing him at all, but I know the prospect of that is incredibly hard and the pain is no less.

You are young, like myself, and there are other guys out there. Like Jac girl said take some time out for yourself, and also get out there with some friends, broaden your social life and you will meet plenty of people. That’s what I did, I’ve hung out with my friends more, I’ve started going to a young adults group, and I now have my tafe course and have started living doing things that are making me happy. When I broke up with my boyfriend I thought I would never find another guy who liked me because he was one of two guys that had ever shown any interest in me, but it’s been barely more than a week later and I’ve already had another guy ask me out on a date (which i have declined for the time being until i can get myself emotionally sorted out and feel ready for another relationship, not something i would have done early last week). Try and stay positive things will be ok.

I really hope that this can help you in some way, and I hope that things do work out well for you [Smile]

Posts: 16 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alliee89
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Thanks so much for the help. He finally messaged me back and told me he was sorry and that he didn't mean for it to come off as him ignoring me, he says he's just been really busy with work and college. I wouldn't have known that though cause he hasn't talked to me in 3 weeks. I'm still kind of mad, why can't he take one second in three weeks to even text me to see what's up? Anyways I haven't responded to his message. I'm not going to, I guess it's kind of open that we're still in some sort of relationship, even though we've never officially said we're bf/gf. It's just weird to me, cause when we first started seeing each other we were together 3-4 times a week. And the fact that we go to the same college and are there the same days and I still don't see him upsets me. I just think he's not even putting in any sort of effort. He used to always want to be around me and it was great, now things are just different. I'm still not sure were we stand, though I am happy that he said it was a negative on the not wanting to see me thing. But he didn't even ask me out for this weekend, so I don't really know what to think right now. I just miss him a lot and I wished he missed me as much as he used to.
Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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I have to say, it sounds to me like he's just lost interest. Any of us can be crazy busy, but if we have real interest in someone, we're going to find the time -- and not just out of courtesy -- to contact them more often than this.

I hate to be a party-pooper, but I'm inclines to say this is the sort of breakup I call "The Slow Fizzle." Where, gradually, less time is spent, less contact is made, because someone figures they will just drift away. It's a passive way of taking action, in effect, and what someone does when they either just don't want to deal with breaking up (a biggie with folks who don't want to be seen as the bad guy, for instance), or when their interest was never such that they figured they had something TO break up.

Mind, you could have asked HIM out, and still could, so if you want to pursue this, you being passive isn't going to be helpful, either. And if you want to know if he still has interest, that's what I'd do: you ask him about making plans. If he won't commit to any, even weeks from now, solidly, I'd say this just isn't going to happen and is probably over.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Alliee89
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But in the message I sent him, I asked him if he didn't want to see me anymore and he replied "no, that's not it" so I assume there is still some kind of chance for us. OR......I could just be being naive and not want to accept what might be obvious to other people. I guess since he's my first relationship I'm reluctant to let go.
Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
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Then ask HIM out, gal. Even if things were going perfectly, putting all the onus on one person to do the asking out and calling isn't a way to run a healthy relationship.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Angelfire
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The more I read about your situation Alliee the more this seems exactly like the one I just went through, but as I have said I hope yours has a better outcome than mine did. I would have to agree with Heather on asking him out as boyfriend/girlfriend because this will give you peace of mind, although different emotions, regardless of the outcome – Yes you guys are still in the relationship and hopefully that will mean that he will try and make more of an effort; No and you will know for sure what is going on and it gives the indication that this is (sadly) over.
Posts: 16 | From: Australia | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
libertatissacra
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I hate to say it, but I agree with Heather in that if you really want to see someone, you find the time even if you're busy.

When my boyfriend and I visit our home town, he stays with a friend about an hour's drive away from where I stay, and when I visit home, I'm always busy with stuff (ironically, more so than when I'm working), but I manage to find the time to make the drive to see him at least a couple times a week because I really WANT to see him.

I have a friend who is extremely busy and does just about everything under the sun, but we always manage to find an hour here and there to hang out when I'm in town because we really want to see each other.

Point is, when two people really want to spend time together (and this feeling is completely mutual), I think it's pretty unlikely that someone can just be "too busy" to even find an hour or two a week to hang out.

If it were me, I'd give up on the relationship regardless of whether or not he wants to, just because I think it's extremely direspectful of him not to at least take a few minute to make a call, send and e-mail, or give you a text at least to say hi and apologise for not being available more often. Relationships take effort on both sides, and it just doesn't seem like he's willing to put any effort into it.

Granted, one of my biggest pet peeves is people who don't show up and don't call, and/or just disappear from my life for no apparent reason and make no effort to keep up whatever sort of relationship we have (be it romantic or platonic). So maybe you'll be able to forgive him more easily than I would, but honestly, I would try to find someone who repects you and your time a lot more.

--------------------
"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between."
-Oscar Wilde

Posts: 115 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Alliee89
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Yeah I know, I should just end things. But right now it doesn't really seem like there is any thing to end considering I haven't heard from him since the message, i never messaged him back. I don't know what I should say, if anything. I'm really trying to restrain from inviting him over considering I invited him over last time and he never came, even though he said he would. I feel like he'd say ok to coming over but at the same time I want to not contact him anymore and see if he try's to get a hold of me at all. If he doesn't, I guess he lied in the message and is just too busy to have me in his life. I know he is busy with school and everything else, so am I, but if he can't make any time at all, I guess he's not worth it. I'm just afraid I won't get another guy I guess, he's the only one I've ever had. I am such a shy person and he took the time to get to know me, I just miss having him around.
Posts: 27 | From: music | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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