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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I caring a little too much?

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Author Topic: Am I caring a little too much?
fender12345
Neophyte
Member # 36598

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Hi everyone,

Lately me and my girlfriend have just totally gone downhill. As much as I don't want to admit it, it is. We have been together for just over half a year now, and we barely see each other.

A month back, she was still calling me a lot, we talk almost endless not wanting to go to bed and now she's so caught up with school she has no time for me. I have NOT received a call from her for atleast 3 weeks , we talk probably 10 sentences over msn a day (usually we talk for hours), we haven't seen each other for the last 2 weeks (usually 2 times a week).

The weird thing is.. I'm in college, and she's in high school (she keeps telling me that she's very behind in school and she needs to constantly catch up; because she just joined a new class..), but this is what pisses me off the most. If I"M in college, and I HAVE time for her.. how would a high school student not have time for ME? It is totally ridiculous and it just pisses me off so much.

What are my solutions? I don't really know what to do and I know this is going to continue for the next few months because she has concert trips she has to go to.. and she's still trying to catch up on school..

Like.. am I suppose to care about this issue? Or should I act like a man and suck it up? (Be all manly and stop caring; or will thsi end up in some place I don't want to be?) I honestly.. want to keep her because.. she is a major part of my success/pride/joy/anything that makes me feel happy..
.. but it doesn't take a genius to see that this isn't healthy..

Please conclude with.. "am i caring a little too much?". Thanks..

PS: She has one of those really strict parents as well.. that's another problem to why we don't see other as much. All these problems build up.. but I still don't want to give her up.. like I mentioned.. she is pretty much everything that motivates me.

[ 02-24-2008, 04:35 AM: Message edited by: fender12345 ]

Posts: 12 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

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Have you talked to her about any of this? If your relationship is long-distance, then negotiating how you can communicate is pretty key. So if you haven't already done that, I suggest you and your partner set aside a time when you can dicuss some basics on how often you can manage to be in touch, and to have some set dates where you can touch base (like, say, a phone call every Saturday night).

I really don't think that you're caring too much. If you're in a relationship, it's only natural that you want to spend time with your partner. And while it's never a good idea to blow off school or work to be with a partner, it's also not healthy for a relationship if you never spend any time together. So, it's important to find a balance there.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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fender12345
Neophyte
Member # 36598

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Hi Joey,

I have tried.. and she tells me many things (e.g. "oh, I don't want to call you because I know in the end I will always be the one that has to go (because of her parents, seeing her on the phone)" or "you know my parent's issue, is hard to find a time" and etc..) There's just so much conflict into finding a time. Do you know what I mean?

Thank you for answering my main questino of "carign too much", it really frees up a lot of stuff.

I will try to talk to her again and try your method of telling her there needs to be balance for a healthy relationship. Should I do this in real lif? Or is this one of those not that important issue I can do over online messenger? Because honestly.. we barely see each other.

Thanks joey!

Posts: 12 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
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You're welcome!

If the two of you aren't going to be spending any in-person time together anytime soon, then talking about this via the Internet is the next best thing.

If your girlfriend really does want to be with you, and wants to make this work, then it's time for her to figure out ways to manage her time better so that she can make room in her schedule for you. But if it turns out that she just really can't make any time for you right now (due to school, or her parents, or other obligations) then maybe right now is not a great time for her to be in a relationship.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fender12345
Neophyte
Member # 36598

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I just wanted to post an update incase in the future anyone have this problem could refer to this thread if they encounter the same problem!

Update: I talked to her, and she strongly agree that this isn't healthy, so I suggested 5-10 minutes a week just to talk on the phone so we have something to look forward to (something to look forward to means a lot to me, I don't know why). Although she is still going to be really busy, I found it a huge relief we are still on the same page.

Now my stomach is full of butterfies waiting for our next 5-10 minutes phone call =)

[ 02-26-2008, 02:50 AM: Message edited by: fender12345 ]

Posts: 12 | From: Canada | Registered: Jan 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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