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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Worried

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Author Topic: Worried
YoungB
Neophyte
Member # 37576

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I'm worried about myself. I'm a male in the last part of my junior year in high school and i haven't had a serious relationship.

I have one really good girl friend (no personal feelings) that trys to help me feel better about my situations but it doesn't do much help. I was hoping that some people here could help me cope.

I really dont have any flaws. I'm not a huge strong kid but I play varsity sports, i'm smart, decent looking, friendly, outgoing,with the "popular crowd" and good at meeting new people. I haven't had a relationship longer then a month and i've had some really bad relationships. My last girlfriend cheated on me twice and every year I meet a new girl that I talk to all year but I end up being hurt. 9th grade, I hung out with this girl all summer..i told her how i felt and she didn't feel the same. that really hurt, last year the same thing happened and just recently a girl I've gotten to know really well this year shot me down. To make the situation worse my best friend and brother have both had amazing success with girls. It comes down to this.

I'm completely normal yet throughout highschool I've had short rough relationships, been surrounded by people close to me who have no girl problems, and I've been hurt really bad three times.

I just need to figure out what I'm doing wrong. My life feels empty because I dont have some of the opposite gender to get close with that has mutual feelings.

Posts: 7 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 35890

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I think that regardless of your background, some people just may not have luck in relationships for some extent of time. Even people who appear to have no 'girl problems' may actually have more trouble than it appears outwardly.

Getting hurt in relationships definitely doesn't feel too great, but do realize that it happens to the best of us. Basically, just because you haven't had the best of luck on the dating scene doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you.

Remain friendly and positive, and don't worry about how others' relationships compare with your own. You're still young and not even done with high school yet; you've got plenty of time to meet new people and foster new relationships.

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
YoungB
Neophyte
Member # 37576

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I get what you mean as I've been able to see some problems my friend and brother have had but my constant failure in developing something with a girl always nags at me and makes me feel worse then anything else in life. My junior prom is a few months away and I really only have 2 weeks to ask a girl. I'm currently not close to any girl and most girls I'd like to go with have already been asked. I really struggle in starting up a relationship with girls I've never talked to and I'm even worse at picking up girls hints on how they feel about me. I dread the possibility that I might not truly feel loved or happy for a long, long, time. I work a 5 AM job every morning, go to school where I'm at the top of my class, top varsity tennis player, go to social events and always talking to friends..yet it seems none of these positive charactersitics matter to girls. They go for my best friend who is unfortunately an extremely shitty guy. I mean he's great as a friend but he treats girls like garbage (cheating, disrespect, etc.) Those girls that have hurt me always claim "i like you as a friend" how do i keep running into that and how do i get over it.

I just feel really depressed at least once a day and I don't know how many times I've gone to bed and wish I didnt have to get back up and face the imminent failure with females.

Posts: 7 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
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You know, I understand exactly where you're coming from, just flip the gender. I remember thinking along the same lines as you not too long ago.

Something to consider-- you think it would be beneficial for you to not look for a relationship instantly when you are meeting new people? Sometimes, but not always, it helps to become good friends with someone before the idea of a relationship becomes tangible.

And honestly, this probably won't be the last time in your life that you hear the words: "I like you as a friend." But to look at it in a different light, at least you are learning what kinds of people you are or aren't compatible with.

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
YoungB
Neophyte
Member # 37576

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Trying to be friends first and then pursue a relationship is what happened the three times i was hurt. I talked to the girls for months and hung out with them, then i tried to tell them how I felt and they didnt feel the same. Did i wait to long? I dont know, I felt that these girls and I were god together and the type of people that would work but i guess not.
Posts: 7 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sundial
Activist
Member # 37371

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Why don't you ask a female friend to the prom? Even if shes not someone you consider a very close friend, you can still have a good time without pressure about whether things will turn into a relationship.
Posts: 47 | From: San Francisco, CA | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Horizon
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 35890

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I doubt that the issue is waiting too long to express your feelings. But essentially, the purpose of dating is to find what you like in relationships and what you are not compatible with. The reality of it is that they are not always going to work out or go as you would like them to.

The best advice I can give you, really, is to keep your head up and try not to dwell on what has gone wrong. Just because you have had negative (or learning) experiences thus far, does not mean that opportunity can't be just around the corner.

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-Kayla
Scarleteen Volunteer

"A wise man should consider that health is the greatest of human blessings, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses." -Hippocrates

Posts: 755 | From: United States | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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