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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Family and Boyfriend

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Author Topic: Family and Boyfriend
katiebird
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Member # 33821

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I haven't been on here before. The last time I was, I was upset about a break up. My boyfriend and I had got back together after three weeks - he apologized for everything, and said he wanted me back. And since I kind of wanted him back too, we got back together. We've been together for a year now (not taking into account the break). We stil have little fights and such. But I have a few issues.

My mom - She doesn't want me to be "sexually active" with him. And while I don't look to having sex anytime soon, that time might come. And when it does, I want to be open with my mom about it, but she's said that if he has sex with me, she'll send him to jail for three years. How do I deal with a mother who has radically different opinions on sexuality than I do?

Sexuality - Speaking of sexuality, we have been very intimate. I did get worried a little while back because I had given him oral sex (without protection), and my throat was sore a few days after. I even wanted to go to a doctor's - should I still be concerned? This was a while ago, and my throat is fine now, has been fine, but I'm still a bit worried. I did stop doing that for several reasons, though. We have been having manual sex, though he wants to give me oral sex. I think I'm a bit nervous for health reasons - and I have been told unless there's an answer of "Yes!" you shouldn't jump into anything - but isn't it natural to be nervous? And I'm also a bit scared that he'll be disgusted.

My boyfriend - Last night we're talking. And he seemed upset when I told him I wanted to go to a game with my friends. And I wanted to go to my ring dance with my friends. I spend almost every weekend with my boyfriend, and very little time with my other friends. But I'm not even sure those people are actually friends - we hang out with each other at school, I'm invited to their parties, but we don't really hang out, so that's another conflict. I don't want my life to be around my boyfriend, because if we break up, I'll find I have nothing else to do because I focused so much on him. So now I have a conflict about my time with him, my time with my "friends", and attempting to have a life outside of him.

...Help? Again?

Posts: 90 | From: east | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
cool87
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Member # 29292

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Your mom---I think it's great you want to be open with your mother about sex, I totally support that. May I ask if you've tried sitting down with her and having a talk about you being sexually active with your boyfriend (cause you already are sexually active from what you described...or were you talking about intercourse ?) ? If not, that might be a great idea. I'd personnally be honest with her, tell her about how you feel about sex, I'd reassure her about you having safe sex too (if you intend on doing that) and I'd also discuss her reasons for her not wanting you to become sexually active.

Sexuality---Have you both been tested for STIs 6 months apart and were both STIs free ? If not, it would be high time to do that since you've already became sexually active and having unprotected. Unprotected oral sex can both put you at risks for STIs. So that would be a good reason for you and your partner to get tested if you haven't already. I think it's something to be more concerned about than your past sore throat.

It's normal, when about to do something that is new to us and that we haven't done before or haven't done with a certain partner yet, to be a little nervous. And that's okay. But if it's too much, then you might want to reconsider whether or not you are truly ready for that given sexual activity.

Also, performing oral sex on you is not something you should fear your partner will be disgusted by. If that's how you feel about it, then you might also reconsider here whether or not you want/are really ready to engage in this activity at this point. There is no need to rush into something you aren't ready for yet.

Boyfriend---I think you're right in what you are saying there. It's not healthy for our life to revolve just around our boyfriend. You both also have to have a life outside of this relationship. You both have friends for example. Also, you both just cannot spend your entire time together. So I'd personnally sit down with him and try to discuss all of that with him. Like, among other things, his reasons for not wanting you to go out : does he find you both aren't spending enough time together ? How does that sound ? [Smile]

[ 11-06-2007, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Posts: 3598 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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