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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Insecure?

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Author Topic: Insecure?
babygirl88
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Member # 9745

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I recently broke up with the boy I'd been dating off and on for a year and a half.

I also recently met a new boy, who began showing interest in me very quickly. He's very attractive, has direction, treats me well and... likes to rush into things. He would have liked to be in a relationship with me right away. He seems ready to commit... for life. His last relationship reached engagement (he's 20 years old), although he and this girl had only known each other/ been dating for seven months.

I can only summise that he's insecure, wanting and needing a relationship immediately and always. Given his boundless good qualities, it's a bit baffling to me that he needs a relationship to feel whole (<-- my perception).

But I can't cease feeling that it's odd he wants to jump into a relationship. I'm not willing to rush into one, and I'm not willing to compromise about this. It simply wouldn't be smart.

I'm still speaking with him, and lately our conversations just leave me feeling unsettled. He puts a lot of pressure on me to "take a chance" with him.

Here's the catch- I have an incredibly strong hunch that he would make an awesome boyfriend. We've spoken quite a bit, spent some time together, and through this I've witnessed that he is very caring, sensitive and in touch with others.

While it's completely frightening that this boy seems to be married to the concept of mariage, I don't want to let a good thing go. I'm thinking the best thing to do is state my opinions firmly and entirely and let him decide whether he thinks I'm worth maintaining contact with. I'm trying to encourage him to slow down and think things through. But whether or not he decides this is a good idea, I'm going to maintain that it is and protect myself.

I really feel like he likes me because he sees that I'm loyal and unlikely to hurt him, emotionally. I even tell him this, but he insists he likes me for a variety of reasons that have more to do with me than me-in-relation-to-him, and that there are girls pursuing him whom he is not nearly as interested in.


Has anyone encountered someone like this?


Or been this person?


Thank you :-)

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"It's something
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i hope you had the
time of your life"

Posts: 150 | From: !USA! | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 568

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Y'know, 20 isn't that old. The median age for marriage is around 25 or 26. your spidey-sense is right, though. This guy likes to rush things. I'd have to wonder why he's in a hurry. Seems he likes the whole idea and process of being in love, but he's going so fast that even his last gf didn't want to stick around. That should speak volumes.

Don't go out with this boy unless you can absolutely insist that he slow down. Seven months is NOT nearly enough time to get to know a person well enough to make a rational decision to spend forever and eternity with them. After all, it takes about 6 months for long-term relationships to get past that shiny-happy honeymoon period, when people really start showing their true colors.

His impatience strikes me as immature.

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Posts: 12677 | From: Los Angeles, CA ... somewhere off the 10 | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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quote:
I'm thinking the best thing to do is state my opinions firmly and entirely and let him decide whether he thinks I'm worth maintaining contact with. I'm trying to encourage him to slow down and think things through. But whether or not he decides this is a good idea, I'm going to maintain that it is and protect myself.
babygirl, I just gotta say....rock on with your bad self!

I rarely forget users who have been around even a little while, and certainly not those who have been here for some time. I read this, and thought "Whoah! Lookit that girl!" because that kind of directness and assertiveness clearly has grown for you over the last couple of years, and it just made me so happy to see you claim that. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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