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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » I'm more experianced than my boyfriend...and my experiances weren't very good...

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Author Topic: I'm more experianced than my boyfriend...and my experiances weren't very good...
Peer Educator-in-Training
Member # 35313

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We're both seventeen. But I've had a lot more experiance. He has had a couple girlfriends, and made out with other girls, but I've gone all the way. Now what does all the way mean? I dated a guy for a month and a half, at a party, I did what you're always told not to do. I thought I trusted him. I got drunk, he didn't drink. Long story short we ended up having sex way before I was ready. I ended the relationship, none of my friends, or his, who were at the party, and heard what happend when I came crying down the stairs, saw anything wrong with this, but I did.
After our relationship ended, I still felt really confused and ...shattered. He said he was sorry..yada yada...We never got back togther, but I was looking for someway to fill the hole that I, at least, felt had been created. We had sex again. I was sober, he was sober, it was odd and uncomfotable, and detached. And the condom came off. I freaked. I didn't want him to touch me ever again. The next day I got planB and made an appointment with a gyno. I'd never been before so it was a little scary. I got tested, was clean (he was a virgin too), wasn't pregnant, came to terms with the whole ordeal, and he went off to college.
But now I've met a guy I really really like. But as I said before, he's A LOT less experianced. We've made out...he's fingered me, and today I gave him a blowjob, something I'd never done before. I'm really aware of safe sex, and I understand how you can and can't get STD's, (or get pregnant).
But how do I tell my boyfriend I'm not...innocent? How to I tell him I'm not a virgin?
And can a relationship move too fast for the guy? Maybe that's a dumb question, but in our society, guys, expecially teenage guys, are seen as sex crazed, and don't get me wrong, he responds, but I feel like...I may be moving too fast for him. I just find it hard to believe I could be ready for more than he is. But then again I wasn't ready when I lost my virginity.

Posts: 34 | From: United States | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, to be honest, I don't see you as having one partner with whom you had two highly unpleasant incidents of intercourse as being "A LOT" more experience. You're not talking about you having twenty partners and him having one. You're talking about you having one -- for what seems like only one kind of sex -- and him having none, or more accuraetly, a couple, but not for that kind of sex.

This is not a huge divide, especially when you consider that with every new partner, in many ways, it's all new to everyone. Really, it sounds to me like the two of you are in a similar space more than one that's radically different: the difference seems to be that you've had a sexual experience that was unpleasant, and another that may well have been date rape.

Too, "innocence" is a pretty weird concept when you look at it historically (that's not only a whole different post, it's a freaking master's thesis), but ultimately, it doesn't have anything to do with sex.

I am surprised that the two of you haven't really talked about your previous sexual experiences yet -- you;ve talked about his. Did he not ask about you? Really, letting him know that you've had a previous partner should not be some huge deal. You're of an age where plenty of people have had some sexual experience, and where a good many people who are going to have intercourse have: it's no big.

In terms of if a relationship can move to fast for a guy, sure it can. Things can be at a pace that's too swift for any person, of any orientation or gender. So, sounds like you just need to check in with him and ask him if the pace of things is comfortable for him, and make clear that you want to make sure you;re both going at a pace that you;re comfortable with.

(FYI? Practicing safer sex with that oral sex? If this is a brand new partner, you need to be sure to do that until you've been practicing safer sex -- including screenings -- and have been monogamous for six months. Not saying he's a liar, but people do tell lies and half-truths about sexual history all the time, and regardless, it;s safer sex practices that we know prevent risks, not blind faith. So, if you two also haven't talked about safer sex yet, sounds like you have a few things you need to talk about before moving forward with more sex.)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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