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Author Topic: to young?
blueymoom
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Member # 33578

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i need some, sort of, help.
i've been with my gf for a year and about 4months now, and she is defently the girl of my dreams and the one, the best thing about it she feels the same way about me.
well, you might have guessed where this is going already. i want to get engaged to her. it was going to be a surprised, but i had to tell her when she found out that i had borrowed one of her rings (i was going to get the size of it) so i had to tell her, she was so shocked and excited. we've now spoken about this sensable for 3days now. the bad and good points of it and we both want to and are defently happy about it.
there's one problem though-we're both 14 years old
i know it's legal to get engaged at 14, it's legal to get married at 16 (with permission) and 18 without permission. (in the UK) but is it to young to? i have no idea how i'm ment to tell my parents about it, i think they'll be happy, but her parents, i don't think they are going to be the most pleased parents in the world.

Posts: 12 | From: uk | Registered: Apr 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I think that for people of any age, four moths is MIGHTY soon to be thinking about marriage. Most relationship experts agree that it takes six months, at a minimum, for the dew to be off the rose enough when it comes to new relationships for any of us to even be able to start to know who someone really is more deeply.

I know (hey, I remember), that the intensity and velocity of young relationship,s epsecially the first big one, can make it feel like it's some sort of exception to that rule, but given that very, very few people WILL spend the rest of their lives (or statistically, even the rest of that first year) with their first partners, it's sound to get feet back on the ground and recognize that for people of any age, you're moving awfully fast, all the more so for someone of an age where your life experience is so limited, and it's so difficult to even have a sense of how long a lifetime with someone really is.

Or what the bad parts really can be: for instance, how do you deal with a partner at 25 who got married at 18 realizing they've never dated anyone else or had sex with others and wanting that? Or finding out, as most people do, that there really is no "the one," (but more like several options and likely more than one partner a person will have who is important) nor is there a "dream" person in actuality? What about one partner being unemployed for long periods of time, or just the toughness of two people living in the same sense with very different styles of living? How about how endless conflicts about finances and child-rearing (should you do that) can really sap the romance out of things, sometimes for very long periods of time? hec, even weddings alone often break couples up before they get to walk down the aisle: weddings, for most people, are far more stressful than joyous, and weddings aren't marriages: those are even tougher, even when they're good and rewarding.

So, while I don't see a need to not be excited about your relationship and what you feel for each other, I'd advise you to drop the marriage bit for now. One other bummer of that is that when a lot of your relationship becomes about dreaming of future things, you often miss the good stuff happening right now. It can also create blinders for not seeing any problems because you get so caught up in fantasy.

[ 08-13-2007, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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FYI, is this this same girl?

[ 08-13-2007, 04:25 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68237 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Smiley64
Activist
Member # 34285

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i think he meant a year and four months, but either way, i agree with you, it is still way too early to be thinking about these things.

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~Smiley~ =)

Posts: 169 | From: usa | Registered: Jun 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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