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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Friend's Choice Of Boyfriends

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Author Topic: Friend's Choice Of Boyfriends
Master_Of_Puppets
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I really don't want to seem like I'm prying into my friend's life, but she's pretty much the closest thing to a girl best friend I've ever had.

Some background info:

We met at a local metal concert about two years ago and we're both really, really active in our cities heavy metal scene locally. We don't go to the same schools and we're not even in the same grades. I'm 18 and she just turned 16. I hate to say it, but she's a tad more permiscuos than I am. I've been further than she has overall, but I've had fewer boyfriends and longer relationships...hers seem to be physical, but very short. She flirts with a lot of guys and often meets people on the internet to date. Meeting people online is one thing, dating is another....I notice that it seems to be a new guy every week or two and not even one of those guys is her own age.

I don't know if I should be worried or not. Nearly all of the guys she dates are age 19-22, which to me is a HUGE age gap. Not so bad if she was 18, but she's only 16!

I feel silly acting like this. I'm not jealous or anything, I've got a boyfriend of my own at the moment and many times I've watched her woo my own crushes for herself (what can I do but just be happy for her, she's my friend I don't need to be jealous, bitter or possesive of what's not mine to begin with). You could say we have a sisterly relationship. I'm slightly older and (dare I say) wiser too. I made some silly mistakes at age 16 too, so I'm certainly not saying she's stupid. She can be risky though. I definitely don't approve of that, even though it isn't really my place to say.

I'm actually scared to death that she's going to get taken advantage of one day. All of these relationships seem to be going nowhere fast. They typically end within three weeks time. One time she got backstage at a show (the band name shall remain unspoken) and the drummer took a liking to her. He didn't speak english well, but she was starstruck and went with him to the van...they started kissing initially, but soon he got really rough with her and demanded sex apparently. She had to literally punch him to get away. I keep telling her she needs to be careful not to put herself into compromising situations like that...Older guys (not to stereotype, no offense) often prey on younger girls because they're vulnerable and easy to flatter. My friend does fit this category...she's a little naive at times. She really really wants a relationship and I don't want to stomp on her feelings.

How should I approach her to make sure she's careful? Is there anything I can say that'll show her I just don't wanna see her get hurt? I also kind of want to ask her why she doesn't date anyone her own age too. In the past she's said she has a criteria...long hair, metal head, etc....

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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First off, you can just tell her that you're concerned about her. Tell her why, and tell her that while you don't want to hurt her feelings, you need to make sure she's not setting herself up for disappointment or to get hurt by others.

She may blow you off ... If she does, there's not much else you can do. If she doesn't want to talk about it or hear it, she's just not going to. All you can do is be there for her if/when she does want to talk.

If you ever feel she's in any real immediate danger, i wouldn't hesitate to go to her parents.

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Nursing is a work of heart!
~ unknown

Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Master_Of_Puppets
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Thats another problem her dad is out of the picture and I honestly can't say that her mother is the most responsible individual in the world. She does NOT keep track of her actions, friends, boyfriends, where she goes, what she does...in fact she's often absent and my friend is allowed to do whatever she wants when she wants.

Going to her mother isn't a realistic option because she wouldn't be helpful.

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orca
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What about a school counselor? I know you don't go to the same schools, but would it be possible for you to get in touch with one at her school, either by going yourself or asking a counselor at your school to make contact?

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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.--Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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Master_Of_Puppets
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Its possible, but at this point I think it would be of little help since we're on summer vacation. At this stage, I think prevention of any such incidents is the best policy.

But if she blows it off this might get awkward.

Posts: 89 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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