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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Bf/suicide.

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Author Topic: Bf/suicide.
transparentcrystal
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Okay, so here's the think.
Me and my bf have being dating for 1 year. it is almost 1 year and one month for us. Anyways, we are pretty close to one another, i love him like i've nver loved before, he loves me way too much too, but sometimes, he does things that i dont like like hmm. you know when we fight for whatever reason, he just wont call me or text me, i AM THE ONE who always does that. So two days ago, i talked to him crying, i told him what i was feeling and he seemed to understand me, but somehow, we were together, i was sad and so i bought a beer and so he did. We just sat somewhere in front of a park and then we started arguing again. I didnt finish my beer when i realized he's finished his and now mine.
So he was a little bit drunk (cause his beer was a large one compared to mine). So things got worse, i left and i walked away to a place that is near we live, a place where there's a lot of restaurants and things like that. And he followed me, by the time i turned around, he was gone with a couple of friends to this near dance place, and so a few mins. later i followed him cause i wanted to fix everything, i hate when we are mad at one another. So i got there and he was ignoring me, so i got even more up set that i hitted a beer he had on the table, he followed me all the way out and then crying again, i was braking up with him, braking up with him after 1 year of relationship. He was crying to me saying that he wouldnt be able to live without me and the more i said 'this aint working' the more anxious he got not to let me go. So he finally let go of my hands and he ran up to the stairs that to a balcony there in the place where we were. HE TRIED TO JUMP !! he WANTED TO KILL HIMSELF becasue i was goin to brake up with him. the thing doesnt stop there. I pulled him over so he wouldnt lose balance and fall down. but then he pushed me away and started running somewhre else saying he was going to kill himself. So i ran after him (i'm embarrased because of all the ppl around us and i was crying and he was crying and he was claiming to kill himself). So i ran after him and when i lost him, i call him and he said 'IT WAS AN HONOR TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND. I LOVED YOU. BYE' so he scared the hell out of me and i started looking for him everywhere.
I called him again and now this time he 'gave me a clue of where he might be' so i followed my insitincts and i went there. HE was there, sitting on the outside of the bars of a huge building. there was nothing to protect him, but a single lose of his balance and he was going down 11 floors.
I was crying and begging him not to do it. Finally, somehow i managed to get closer to him so i pulled him down to the inside of the building. my heart was accelarating at grate rates, it was horrible, i wanted it to be over. He scared me so much, but now, i'm scared that everytime we fight or if i brake up with him (that i dotn want bcause i love him) he will try to commit suicide. This sounded to me like umm.. an unhealthy relatinoship, like if he was blackmailing me. We are fine now, we solved every problem we had. The bad part is that the new spread everywhere so everyone knows what he tried to do. i think some people look at me like the bad person,, the person he was going to kill himself for.
I was dying bcause i knew that if he did that i would have to live with that for the rest of my life. I love him, but now i'm wondering. What was that? what really happened?? why did he do that? Was he really going to do it?? or, was he just trying to catch my attention?? You have no idea how bad that was, i got home till 2 am in the morning and because of that, i had problems at home, but i couldnt leave him alone seeing him in the that situation, i couldnt trust him in that moment, he was drunk and stupid.
Please help me out here, i'm scared for what could happen in the future. I'm sorr if this is too long.

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peace

Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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It sounds like manipulation paired with intoxication to me; never a pretty mix. Even if he hadn't brought this up only when you wanted to break up, what kind of mentally stable individual is he to be in a relationship with, you know?

Aside from this attempt/manipulation, is this really something you want to be in, anymore? If the answer is no, you can work on getting him some help, be it through talking to his family or friends, and then part ways. Don't let it work.

It may come across as cold, because you do care for him and fear for him. But you can't put your own happiness and sanity on the line to salvage his, especially when it seems that's all that's keeping him together, which is never a setup conductive of a healthy relationship.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
transparentcrystal
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Thank you Ms. Lauren for replying.
His family heard about what happened. AT that moment, they were calling his phone every single second ,but he just wouldn't reply. He replied till I calmed him down.
His family knows about what happened, his mom just told him 'what were you thinking' and i think that's the farest it got.
I'm scared for him and for me now. I will take your advice, thank you so much. One of the things that i think will help me (us) is that i'm going away for collage. I really hope this helps. I never thought he'll ever do that kind of 'manipulations' but whatever that was, believe me. I've learned from it! Thank you so much again!!!

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peace

Posts: 68 | From: China | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Stacii-Jayd
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im in the same thing as you at the min. i have a bf that im not 100% sure i want to be with. everytime i try to break up with him he trys killing himself.
the hard thing about it is i have a feeling that his just doing it for the sake of it and won't do it. so i think maybe if i just ignore him he'll relise that it's stupid...that might work for you.

on the other hand: i've had this problem before, i wanted to break up with an ex who wanted to kill himself when i tried this, and one day i just lost it and told him to do and see if i care...and he did. i really regret that.

it's an extremely hard thing to be going through because it could go either way. he might just being doing it to get you back, or he seriosuly would do it. it's a horrible risk to take, because, like me, it might just happen.

i think you going away for collage could just be the answer though, it'll be giving you both space and he might calm down and think alot more about what this might be doing to do aswell.

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''i'm not a slave to a god that doesn't exsits. i'm not a slave to the world that doesn't give a s****''-Marilyn Manson

Posts: 35 | From: UK, Lincolnshire | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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Stacii, be sure to remember that HIS suicide is in NO WAY your fault! It's not something that happened because of you, no matter what he may have been saying - if he committed suicide there had to have been a lot of things he was dealing with that he wasn't able to address properly, and his behavior toward you, again, was manipulative and NOT your doing.

Leaving a person who is depressed and suicidal, and whom you are in an unhealthy relationship with is NOT a risk, it's needing to take a step for your OWN well being and personal health.

I'd recomend to both of you, if you do plan on ending these relationships (because quite honestly this doesn't sound healthy for either of you, and we definitely don't advocate staying in unhealthy situations nor necessarily just not communicating to end them) - why not talk to a trusted adult in your life? For example, your partners' parents, a teacher, etc. and explain to them that you are very worried about them and their personal healthy/safety and what they may do if you break up, but that you need to end the relationship for your own well being.

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Jean
aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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