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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » My best guy friend and me

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Author Topic: My best guy friend and me
GradCutie06
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Member # 33109

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Theres this guy I got to know through a friend and I had a party and he came and we got to talking on msn, and we became pretty good friends. I guess somewhere along the way I started to like him as more than that, and obviously I'm like crap! lol. That's the last thing I wanted.

Well, he's a really honest person, and so I guess that's contagious or something because I started to tell him things I hadn't told anyone before and both of us built up a relationship of trust. So obviously, I for some reason, admitted to him that I had a crush on him. He even knew after it, that I'd be like crap what do I do now, and he told me don't worry about it, like I know you will, it's okay. He told me that we were really good friends and that you never know what the future holds. Okay, fair game.

I start to kind of get the feeling he doesn't like me because I asked him to hang out with me and my friend a couple of times and he never came. (Granted, we live like maybe an hour away so that could be a reason, but if he really liked me, he would want to see me, right?) My friend knew that I liked him and was all supportive and stuff.

One time one of our mutual friends was like, can I hook you two up, and I'm telling her he doesn't like me as anything more than a friend. Note to self: never give anyone a whatever reaction when they suggest to put you and a friend together, its a really bad idea. Well, he kind of found out (he's not stupid) and I ended up telling him that she was talking about me, but that she approached me and it wasn't my idea to hook us up in the first place. That was the god's honest truth.

Anyways, I asked him point blank, do you like me as anything more than a friend? He said, no. Okay. I was a little bummed but I got over it. I'd rather have the truth even if it sucks.

Since then, sometimes he sends me mixed messages. Like he'll invite me to parties and stuff and he'll be like what are you doing tomorrow but he'll never like ask me to go to anything thats not a group thing. We're REALLY good friends, we talk all the time, but we never hang out excusively. I'm not going ot bite, and I'm not the kind of person that's goingb to like jump on him or something. He knows this. Yet, he won't hang out with only me.

If we are going to do anything, he always asks someone else to come. Why won't he hang out with just me?

The other night on msn, I was talking to him and then he goes offline, and he's like, i dont really feel like talking to anyone else.

Can anyone offer their two cents on what is happening here? Is he flirting with me, or just being a really good friend?

One more thing, sorry this is long winded, but every time I ask him for advice or something, he always give me sensible advice, even tho he's like a bad boy gone good. We got invited to an overnight camping trip with a group and he told me it might not be the best idea, or when I said i was thinking of getting a fake id, he's like let me see it befor eyou go anywhere with it, but you have a few more months (19) why don't you wait.

Help? Can u figure this guy out?! I just want opinions and two cents and yeah. Thanks so much!

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I'm okay at this kind of angle&you're okay from this kind of light. And we don't look like pages from a magazine, but that's alright, that's alright.

Posts: 14 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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It sounds like he's just trying to be a friend. The fact that he actually told you he didn't like you as more than a friend is not a subtle hint. Always having a third party around when the two of you are together doesn't make it sound like he's interested either.

But it does sound like he likes you and cares about you and wants to be friends with you. What I'm reading is you obsessing about how you want the relationship to be instead of trying to work with the situation you have. That's not good and could actually hurt your friendship.

The best advice I can give is focus on genuinely being friends, which includes respecting the limits he's pretty clearly given, and enjoying the relationship you do have. Friendship is pretty much always a good thing.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GradCutie06
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Hmm yeah I know you're right. I don't wnat to loose him as a friend. So you think it would be like uncomfortable if I was like hey you wanna go out for lunch or something? like as FRIENDS. nothing more. Me and him and lunch. There's nothing wrong with that offer right?

I know, I'm making such a big deal out of this. But he's a really good friend, the first good guy friend i've ever had, and there's nothing i want to do to screw our friendship up.

Blah. Sorry. I'm being so immature, and I know this. Damn crushes.

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I'm okay at this kind of angle&you're okay from this kind of light. And we don't look like pages from a magazine, but that's alright, that's alright.

Posts: 14 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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No, I don't think doing friendly things like going to lunch will hurt at all. In fact, I think it's a fine idea. Just try to be understanding if he suggests someone else joins the two of you.

Crushes can be fun but not if they're getting in the way of a real friendship. I think your friendship will only become stronger once you move past the crush stage (easier said than done of course [Wink] ) and on to a more level playing field.

For what it's worth, I have a couple of close friends that I only got to know because I had huge crushes. It can definitely be done.

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GradCutie06
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Thank you this is really relieving to know. We are kind of past the crush stage, to the point where we trust each other and always tell each other about our crazy day or something. He likes to bug me and tease me about random things and I'll do that right back. I feel completely comfortable with him, as do my parents, because they're always like, is he going to be there? (at a party or something). So that works in my favour too because he acts sort of like a bigger brother to me as well.

I guess crushes don't immediately just go away; is it really possible to stop liking someone like an off switch? But if you like someone enough then I think friendship is worth it. In fact, it might be even better hey? Cause there's no drama for all those things that come with dating, and I have someone I can talk to about that stuff anytime, and vice versa!

Thank you for your help so much, you've really helped me realise what I was doing. I needed to hear it, and I'm working on moving on. I think I'm going to be okay, and I know it will because we've been through a lot of **** in our friendship and at the end of day no matter what, he hasn't run away from anything. I won't either.

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I'm okay at this kind of angle&you're okay from this kind of light. And we don't look like pages from a magazine, but that's alright, that's alright.

Posts: 14 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
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quote:
Originally posted by GradCutie06:
I think I'm going to be okay,

Glad to hear it!

Unfortunately I have yet to find an off switch. What's worked for me is actively trying to be a friend instead of just letting our relationship coast along. And like you mentioned, sometimes a friendship is better than dating so I try to appreciate those moments when they present themselves.

It will get easier as it goes. [Smile]

Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
GradCutie06
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Member # 33109

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Okay I'm frustrated.

My best guy friend does nto want to ever hang out the two of us by ourselves. What is up with this?! Does he think I'm going to jump him or something!? Seriously!!

Ever time I mention us hanging out together he kidn of avoids it, or then he asks me out to go hang and kind of backs off at the last minute.

Like toingiht he invited me to his friends place and his friend is going out but he's staying there and he invited me over and then he's like I think it's too late for you to come.

I'm like what the heck?!! I'm so frustrated.

Should I ask him "do you have a problem hanging out just you and me?" or something. I want to be straight up. I don't say anything at all, and I pretend this doesn't bother me but it does!!!

Can someone help?!

--------------------
I'm okay at this kind of angle&you're okay from this kind of light. And we don't look like pages from a magazine, but that's alright, that's alright.

Posts: 14 | From: Canada | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Jill
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 5375

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Asking him does indeed sound like your best bet. Unfortunately I have no better advice; I just wanted to pop in and say I think you're on the right track already. [Frown]
Posts: 3641 | From: Truckee, CA, US | Registered: Sep 2001  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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