Three months or so ago my boyfriend and I broke up for 2-3 weeks. We got back together a month+ ago.
His uncle died so he had to go out of state about two weeks ago. It's when he came back, things really started to go downhill.
It started with him staying out until 3 in the morning on a school night, and not calling me until then. he barely talks to me on days I do not see him - three minutes tops - and I only see him about once or twice a week. I drive - he does not - I use my gas and my time to go and see him. He seems to care much, much more about his friends then me. I feel it should be equal. I, too, have my own friends of course and spend alot of time with them; but I ALWAYS make time to talk to him [which is pointless because he does not make the time for me]. I feel like he is just calling to check up on me - see what I'm doing. I put in so much effort to this relationship and he honestly does not.
The other day I went to his house. He KNEW I would be there in about 20 minutes, and he goes out to eat with his friend. I finally called him after about 25 minutes - I was tired of waiting. He got nasty with ME AND TURNED OFF HIS PHONE. And me, being so stupid, waited there for him to come back. It took him an hour.
He always goes to sleep when I am at his house. Not like, let's take a nap together. That would be totally fine. More like "I'm really tired so I am going to sleep". But when he is with his friends, he stays up all hours of the night - is very active with them [skimboarding, skateboarding, etc] and seems to enver be tired. But when I am there, he just goes to sleep. It's very rude considering I see him so little. Am I wrong here?
He claims to never see his friends, yet every single night and day before and after work, he is with them. He puts them before me CONSTANTLY. As I said before, I think it should be nice and equal. Not one over the other.
He actually spoke to me today for more than 2 minutes. I was talking about something and he says to me "I don't care. You're rambling, and I don't care". This really, really offended me. Am I wrong? He makes me feel like I am wrong for feeling the way I do.
I told him the other day I do not think he cares about me anymore. He said nothing. He got annoyed and told me to get out of his house. He has NEVER treated me with such disrespect.
I think the reason I stay is because alot of this cruel behavior started up so recently. I don't understand WHAT happened to him. I just think he is going to change, so I stay. I remember how great things were, and I am just holding on to memories.
I think I might need out of this relationship. I need some advice on how to deal with this. I also need help on how to bring things up when I am bothered without attacking him. Any thoughts?
Posts: 250 | From: somewhere | Registered: Aug 2006
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It sounds like you DO need out of this relationship. Whatever happened to him to make him change, there is little you can do to help him if he doesn't want to chnage back.
If you do decide this relationship needs to end, i wouldn't worry so much about attacking him. You just need to tell him that you haven't been happy for a while, list the reasons, and let it go. Tell him you've made up your mind and don't need/want any excuses. It's not really an attack of accusations, it's just how you feel and what you need for YOU right now.
Today I saw him. We sat down for lunch and had a serious conversation - not an argument. I explained EVERYTHING I have been feeling - even my thoughts on ending the relationship - basically the post I have written on this site. He listened - not just heard me. He explained he has been very busy with work and such - which is true - but I told him things need to change NOW, not later.
He wasn't just playing nice; he really was listening and we worked out a way to talk to each other more. I'll give it a chance - I generally try to see the better side of people. If he does not get his act together I'm kickin' him to the curb!
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