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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Advice for talking to my mom?

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Author Topic: Advice for talking to my mom?
ellolovely
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Member # 33256

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I don't have a very solid relationship with my mom. We talk, but she doesn't know most of the stuff that goes on in my life.

About six months ago, I didn't know how my mom perceived my boyfriend's and my relationship (we've been dating now for a year), but if I had to read between like and dislike, it would be dislike. She supported me in what I did, though. She's the kind of parent that wants to guide me, but not control me. She wanted me to learn on my own.

She walked in on me and my boyfriend messing around one day, and she got really angry. I hadn't quite expected her to react as strongly as she did, because I've never been in a situation or even a conversation with her about sex, besides asking questions about it in the 5th grade.

Lots has changed since that day, about six months ago, but really all that's happened is that she's reverted back to not being clear to me about how she feels about me having sex. Six months ago, she said I was too young (I'm 17, I was 16 then).

Well, now I don't know how to feel. Obviously, my mother recognizes that I've been dating the same boy for a year, and while that's not very long considering serious relationships, it at least shows that he's not another blow-off high school boyfriend.

It's getting to the point where I'm ready to ask my mother about birth control. I don't currently have a job, so I can't pay for it myself. I do plan on getting a job soon, so I will be able to pay for it. I really think that it's important for me to practice safe sex, because I've seen what can happen if I don't, and it scares me. My boyfriend and I have had sex a couple of times, both using condoms, but we'd both be much more comfortable if I was on some kind of birth control.

I don't want to get a job and pay for it by myself and hide it from my mom. I'm willing to pay for it myself, but I mostly just don't want to hide it from my mother. I want her to know what's going on in my life, but I don't want her to be upset or worried about it.

Basically, my big problem is that I don't know if I should bring it up to her. On one hand, I'm letting her know that I'm taking responsibility for the possibility that I might get pregnant. But on the other hand, asking about birth control automatically lets her know that plan on having sex (that is, if she doesn't assume we already are).

Do you have any advice on how I could bring it up to her?

If it helps, she knows that my boyfriend has taken several courses in sex education and he knows the risks of getting pregnant probably better than she does.

Thank you for you love and support,

Rachel

Posts: 1 | From: Texas | Registered: Mar 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ghostie
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Member # 28874

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You're older now, and hae obviously matured whether your mother likes it or not.
You've stated she wants to help but not control, and if this is true then she will - perhaps not jump at the chance, but - help you obtain it, as you are mature enough to see the risks and take the responsibility [Smile]
Tell her you are willing to pay for it if that's what she sees is right.

When I spoke to my mother about it, I said me and my partner had been together for so long and we felt ready to take things to the next level, but we wanted to be sure we were safe, so would she help me get the pill or something, just to be sure and as an extra precaution on top of condoms. I'm pretty sure she already knew I had been having sex with previous partners too, but I hadn't spoken to her about it before [Razz]

Surely, she will respect the fact that you came to her sooner rather than later, when an accident occurs and you wind up in a more uncomfortable situation to bring up!
If the situation feels fit, you could tell her you trust her enough to come to her about this too.

I am betting that she already accepts that she could not stop you from having the intimacy you two desire, and therefore would rather you both be safe.

I wish you the best of luck, and well done for wanting to approach her rather than go behind her back too! [Smile]

Posts: 165 | From: England. | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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