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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » can this work??

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Author Topic: can this work??
marie45
Neophyte
Member # 32565

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I have just got back into a relationship with my ex and dont get me wrong i am very happy with it and i no he is to even though we are so young i no that it feels right i mean coming from a broken home and havin someone love you for what you are feels great But i am worried because i no he wants to have a baby already and i dont know what to do about that i am sooo confused and i dont know if i want that but that is the only way that his mom will ever let us be together and i no that it sounds really dumb to do but i am so afraid that if i dont it will ruin things again i just want to be with him i guess i just want to know if there is any other way for us to be able to stay together without going to that extreme??
And if there is any suggestion and or question i would love to hear it!!! [Confused] [Frown]

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Brittany

Posts: 20 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Am I understanding that you are saying the only way his mother will allow the two of you to date is if you meet both their desires to be a baby factory for them at the age of 14?

Because if that is what you are saying, that is seriously lunacy, and the only sound advice anyone could give you would be to back away from this, period. This is in no way a safe scenario for you.

If for whatever reason, you can't bring yourself to do that, at the very least, do NOT get sexually involved with this person, as clearly a pregnancy risk is not something you can risk in this situation (let alone the fact that it's likely not even lawful for you and your partner to be doing so at your age). On that same note, if your boyfriend's parent is pressuring you to become pregnant at your age, that in and of itself could well be considered criminal intent on her part.

[ 02-06-2007, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marie45
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Member # 32565

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No its not like that at all but thanks for the advise there is no way that his mom will let us be together without a reason and this is the only reason that is good (i guess) we dont even get along with our parents and we have been dating on and off for 2 years and when i dont have him to talk to i do stupid things i get so depressed because i feel like i have no one to talk to about my problems at home or school ect. and he understands coming from the same thing at his house and if and i dont want to do this but i am at the point where i dont care any more he always is first in my book i mean know one was even there for me when my grandpa died and he was and when i was hit at home he was there and i cant live without him we are not even suppose to be friends and its not like we are doin anything wrong so i dont understand that we wont even sleep together because we dont think its best but right now i will alomost do any thing just to have him there and i dont no why i feel like this so young!! [Confused]

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Brittany

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Heather
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Even just looking at the posts you've made here, I think we can easily agree that you're in no way ready to be a parent.

Honestly, even getting pregnant at 14 puts you and a child at substantial health risks that it's also pretty likely neither of your families will get you the care you'd need to manage.

On top of that, a child is a whole person. Not a tool for bertering. if you grew up in a crappy situation yourself, you have to be kind enough to recognize that making a child for your own agenda -- even if not wanting to be without someone is a valid thing to want -- is more than incredibly unfair.

So, in your file of would do anything, please do yourself and some kid you'd have a favor and cross that one off the list.

That all said, it is valid to not want to be separated from people you care for and who care for you, and it's always especially painful when both your family situations are bad. Have you ever talked to your school counselor, Brittany? if not, given this situation and that with your sister and the guy sneaking into your window who is a friend of your mother's, I'd encourage you to do that. It's pretty crystal you need some sound interventions here.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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marie45
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Member # 32565

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Thank you for the sdvise and now i no thata i should go with my judgemeant and not get pregant because i never want any one to go through what i had to go through when i was little and i am so sad though i have thought about goin to the counselor but i am afraid because what if she tells my mom what we talked about and then i will have even more problems thats why i just tell me b/f everything but that doesnt solve anything at all except make me feel a little better but i no i need help i just dont know how to get it sometimes all i can so id things that make me forget even for just a little while and thats not good either!!

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Brittany

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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You can talk to the counselor about your rights to confidentiality in advance, and then decide if you feel okay talking or not.

I'd at least give it a chance and have that first talk, okay?

But all in all, understand that counselors are trained to not put kids at risk in a position of even greater risk. They know better.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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marie45
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Member # 32565

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o ok then well that is nice to know and i will try that tommorow!! thanks a lot you just helped me not make a big mistake

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Brittany

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Of course.

And if it turns out that the school counselor doesn't seem like a good fit for you when you go, we can likely help you find other local resources for support. With or without your boyfriend, it's clear you could really use some support from someone qualified to help you assess your family situation and know what you can do to have things be better for you overall.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
marie45
Neophyte
Member # 32565

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That would be great and i think that i will find out tommorow if i need to find someone else to talk to and tonight i will tell my b/f that i have found a different answer and our first thought wont work at all bcuz i dont think he really liked the idea either

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Brittany

Posts: 20 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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