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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Best friend issues.

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Author Topic: Best friend issues.
babybear
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I've had the same best friend for about 10 or 11 years. We are probally the most compatible people alive.

We used to be completely inseperable. We talked to each other every day on the phone. every weekend? we hung out.

But recently, since this new boy of hers came to her life, things have been very, very different. Suddenly she is too mature to have a best friend [yeah she SAID this], too mature to call me everyday. She thinks because she is dating a 20 year-old [she is 16], she has essentially grown out of little highschool friendships. He is too mature to hang around her 16 year old friends, but he can have sex with her 16 year-old self. Hm.

We have been through EVERYTHING together. She was my other half. But now, this guy is more important to her then ANYTHING.

She had sex with him within a week and a half of knowing him, and she had never had sex before. I will not sit here and judge - but that personally is not something I would have done. To each his own. BUT, I supported her in every way. I told her it was not something I would do, but, if she felt comfortable and would be okay with her decision, then go for it.

She has been uncompletely unsupportive of me with my recent break up. She told me I was "an idiot for talking to him" while I still was. She said some very rude things to me and honestly? I was shocked. I was very upset that day. The other people sitting around us when she said it were even telling her to "back off".

She will do ANYTHING for this kid. A group of friends and I went out to the movies last week, and he called. He asked her to come over. What did she do? She went to his house. Yup. Right in the middle of hanging out with her friends.

I feel jealous. I've been replaced. I feel upset that she could suddenly treat me like I'm nothing. But I just can't bring myself to confront her about her insane rudeness. Any advice?

I am very angry. I can't entirely blame the boy for her behavior, but I know he has had some part in it. I feel he has her brainwashed. There is much more to the story, but, this is just the jist of it.

Posts: 250 | From: somewhere | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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Many, many people find themselves on this same boat, m'dear. You're not alone. For curiousity, is this one of her first relationships? It's pretty commonplace for this to happen during the first few, since they're all uber-into having a boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sounds like infatuation on her part. While it's annoying to put up with, constantly hear about, and get blown off over, at least you can rest assured that it'll eventually fade into realism or end altogether, and probably soon.

She's being crappy, and I don't see anything wrong with saying so if she asks. But for now, your best bet would probably be to just focus on hanging out with your other friends, brush off her gloating, and carry on. She'll be sorry when she finds out that stuff gets awful lonely when one person is her life.

Not to mention, she may find that not everyone will care too much, or possibly be relieved, when SHE's the one grieving over a breakup.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Gumdrop Girl
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the first thought that came to my mind is: 20-year-old guys don't date 16-year-old girls 'cause of the girl's maturity. it's the GUYS who are IMMATURE, and can't date someone closer to their own age.

The difference between 16 and 20 is remarkably vast. The worldview is SUPPOSED to change and expand a bit once you leave high school. If it doesn't, then i'd have to say your social growth is a little stunted.

Anyway, a "Friend" who thinks herself better than everyone else is neither mature nor much of a friend. All is not lost. Maybe she'll come back to earth at some point and she'll be friendly again. If she's truly mature, she'll apologize for acting like a jerk.

But if not, hang on to your other friends and go on without her.

truly mature people value their friends, hold them dear, support them in hard times and stay loyal.

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babybear
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Yup, this is one of her first relationships.

She is completely infatuated. They have been together for about 8 months now. The entire summer, I didn't exist. She was telling me that she loves him, but he won't say it to her. It hurts her alot. She also has briefly talked about him possibly using her for sex.

Every time they get into an argument, it's ALWAYS her fault. It's like he does no wrong. But with her friends, she is ALWAYS right and a complete and total know-it-all. Can't stand it.

You guys are right. She's gonna be awfully lonely when he's done with her. Oh well.

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-Lauren-
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So, she calls YOU an idiot for dealing so hard with your breakup, while she latches on to a jerk who obviously doesn't view her as an equal as if she's somehow above it all? Puh-lease.

Obviously, what Gumdrop said is what typically goes in cases of older guys and younger women, and he's doing a bang-up job demonstrating that. But, more likely than not, she won't listen if you try to tell her the situation's unhealthy.

If it becomes apparent he's taking huge advantage of her, physically harming her, or sexually exploiting her, the option is always there to tip off the police, since she is under the AOC.

Other than that, wash your hands of the situation, but stay on the lookout.

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
babybear
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The whole doing-no-wrong deal is more in HER head. I don't think he actually tells her "You're wrong!" I just think she feels he is Godly or something.

Whatever, she seems to be happy. I will definitely wash my hands of this.

Posts: 250 | From: somewhere | Registered: Aug 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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