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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » the whole circle

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Author Topic: the whole circle
shon
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Member # 23008

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ok so my bf and i have only just started going out, things are great but...

A) he recently met one of my friends from school, she is a friend but not my best buddie you know, like school friend, that you see at school and barly out of school, concidering we just graduated its kinda wierd that he has her number and he is going to see her and hangout, i trust him and gosh there is no way im accusing him of cheating, but there is a little green monster in me and its becoming obvious.

ie - he asked her to the beach today. i have work till like 5, and he knocks off at 3pm. She asked me for permission if she could go with him to the beach.

i think the situation is weird, i dont know what to do, my head is saying who cares, which is totally correct, but my green monster is going ''ARHGGGG!!''

wow i love to over react.

altho im sure ill get over it, and im going to see my mate tonight, a guy mate and he will probably get all jelous over that, hes a possive creature too..

B) My mother found out about us having sex and she is not pleased. i said 'hey its our choice'
im not on the pill, but we use condoms, im going to get an implant in a few weeks, so thats all sorted. but she is all like oh my gosh you have no morals blah blah.. i mean come on, its our choice, its our life...

i know shes trying to be thoughtfull etc but its very irritating!

C)i have not had a good run with realtionships in 2006; i got used and treated like **it so i think this new year of 2007 and my bf, which we are offical, no 'f*** buddies' which im totaly sick of people leading me on and treating me like **it
im trying to let that go but people who know about all of 2006 and all that crap keep bringing it up.

D) i have this one mate, she is one of my besties. i lov her but she ALWAYS stuffs things up between new friends or new realtionships by giving them **it, like ok lame i know my bf and i met over myspace, she gave us **it about that and like 'ew hes rank', when ok everyone is different, he means the world to me [Smile] i love him. shes not me. Why cant she just be happy for once. i thnk she may be jelous, that her bf is a bit of a jerk.

anyway...

thats my venting for today...

--------------------
- Hearts Break if you throw them away-

Posts: 49 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
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A.) Your boyfriend is going to the beach with another girl while you are working; that to me sounds like something is fishy. Not that I am accusing him of infidelity either, but what I mean is that it's disrespectful to you, in my opinion. You have every right to be upset. & also, if you're hanging out with a guy friend of yours to purposely make him jealous, that is also fishy. Don't fight fire with fire; you'll get burned. If you want to clarify this situation with your boyfriend, you should just talk to him point blank, without playing any games. It'll get you no where.

B.)Your mother's reaction is normal; mine reacted the same way. But I would be careful with how you approach the situation, especially if she's sensitive to the fact that you are now sexually active. Respect your mother & your mother's home. Make sure to keep her at ease. Make wise decisions; use protection ALWAYS. You don't want to have to come up to her worried that you are pregnant [like I did]. & also, both of you get tested. Doing this, you will show your mom maturity & responsibility for the adult action you are taking. If she has peace of mind she may not back off entirely, but she'll rest a bit easier.

C.) People will talk about you & will continue to talk about you -- especially if they know just simple fragments of your life. The most that I can suggest is that you not bring 2006 into 2007, so to speak. Let the past stay in the past. Enjoy your life now, & do your best not let others steal your happiness. Oh, & if these people are "friends" of yours, I would cut them lose.

D.) No one will ever like the decisions you are going to make. No one. They will always have something to say about it. People have such strong views about things like dating over the internet or whatnot. Don't let it get to you. Continue to stand firm with what you already know & let that be enough.


That is just my 2 cents. I'm sure someone else will probably stay theirs just as well. ;} Regardless, I hope I helped a little.

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"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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quote:
A.) Your boyfriend is going to the beach with another girl while you are working; that to me sounds like something is fishy. Not that I am accusing him of infidelity either, but what I mean is that it's disrespectful to you, in my opinion.
Why? Because of her gender? if he was with a male friend, would the situation be less disrespectful? What if he was bisexual? Would it then be disrespectful for him to hang out with ANY friends while she's at work?

Sounds to me like both of them are being considerate here.

If both of you have jealousy issues -- which is an issue of control -- then work those out. But either party keeping the other from han ging out with friends isn't working on those issues: in order to have a healthy romantic relationship, any of us also needs to be able to have our platonic friendships and relationships, too, with our partners supportive of that.

Per the implant, do talk to your GYN about that option, okay? Those can carry some heavy-duty side effects, and if you've never taken milder hormonal birth control before, so don't know how you react to it, it may be nest to start with something less intense.

Per your friend dissing your relationship right now, how about just asking her to do you a favor and try and have faith this time, because you need a break? (But also? Realism. Ity's good stuff. if you just started going out with someone, however strong your feelings may be, friends will often react strongly when you've got the "I love him's" really soon, especially if they've seen you get hurt before.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shon
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i spoke to her lastnight (the friend) about the situation them going to the beach, after he came to pick dome stuff up he left in my car lastnight.. hes asked me this time if he could go to the beach with her.. and i just whent ''yeah, its okay'' when i was thinking the opposite... but yeah i spoke to her about it once he left; and she told me he feels like he is on a leash! so i thnk her for that. i then went home and sent him a text message saying that ''i thnk you need some time with your mates to catchup and what not, ill see you on friday, not thursday, have a good nite x '' and then to make matters worse, my mobile phone died!

so i dont know what hes thinking at the moment.. i dont have his number written down, which i really should do...

but hopefully thats sorted that out a little bit, i know ive spent to much time with him... it was getting on my nerves to much, and we are spending the whole weekend in a hotel now...(we haeva work ball of mine to go to) and i sorta just want to stay away from him because i dont want this to get any worse...

yerpp

so once my phone is up and running, ill be a little happier.


mother wise - its ok, ive spoken to her, thats sorted

birth control wise - yeah im going to try the pill instead.

friend wise - i need to see them Asap; i miss them.

thanks..

--------------------
- Hearts Break if you throw them away-

Posts: 49 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
shon
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Member # 23008

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and noww...... to top it all off......

his ex gf just emailed me!

what the hell.

im just going to leave him alone for a bit, he can chase me now.

at least he said have a good day...

yerp..

he has to pick up a car on saturday morning at 8am, and we are at the hotel friday night, saturday night..(thats the ball night) so when he leaves with my car to do wht he needs to do, im having the girls up to the room so they can help me with my hair and go chill for a bit... does that sound like a good idea?

leave him alone for a bit and see the girls...

Posts: 49 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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