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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » New relationship jitters. ;/

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Author Topic: New relationship jitters. ;/
fille_francaise
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I will try to make this short & to the point:


I just recently got into what may be classified as a "serious relationship." Things happened very quickly between me & J; it was love at first sight, which I didn't believe in until the moment I saw him. We've been dating almost 2 months [gasp!] but the feelings I have for him are strong; even stronger than the feelings I had for my ex-boyfriend of almost 3 years [we broke up over a year ago]. I'm a big believer of signs & serendipity & I do feel like me & J have been brought together for a reason. Things are going great with us, to say the least, except that I am constantly trying to make our relationship mess up. In my mind, I say that it'll never last because "the good ones never do." I've become quite bitter & pessimistic over this past year being that my ex-boyfriend [fiance, to be technical] ended our relationship & then my own parent's marriage failed recently. So, I'm quite skeptical about love in general. I don't believe in forever anymore.

What are some things that I can do & some thought processes I can have to keep a positive outlook on my relationship, so that I'm not dooming it before it's begun? Our relationship is so great; we've everything we need to keep going until the end. But I worry that my skepticism is going to kill it. How can I push my doubt aside & just trust it?


Thank you. :]

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
-Lauren-
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Doubt and risk are unfortunately things you must deal with, and be prepared for, in any relationship. Even people who have been together for years must keep it in the back of their mind that the relationship can end at any given time for any given reason.

quote:
So, I'm quite skeptical about love in general. I don't believe in forever anymore.
So that, right there? You're not alone. Many people have realized after a few relationships that "forever" is pretty hard to strive for.

quote:
What are some things that I can do & some thought processes I can have to keep a positive outlook on my relationship, so that I'm not dooming it before it's begun?
The one thing that's striking me is that you seem to be very invested in this relationship in a pretty short amount of time. Up to 6 months of a relationship are generally considered the time to get to know one another and THEN decide if things are to become serious.

I see the elevated sense of drama in that perhaps contributing to your desire to "spoil" the relationship, i.e add more conflict. If you feel that's something you just can't shake, you might want to consider ending this relationship. A setup in which one person is unhappy, and showing it by trying to drag things down rarely turns out well at all.

Have you spoken to your partner about this? How about doing so, and perhaps suggesting you slow things down?

Posts: 4636 | From: USA/Northern Europe | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
fille_francaise
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Me & J have a very open relationship, so he knows that I am worrisome. He also knows that I have trust issues because of my past & so on.

It isn't that I'm unhappy in my relationship, because I am; very much. That is what scares me the most, ultimately. I am pessimistic in that I think that happiness never lasts, words are never promised & actions are never true. I feel this way because I have been hurt, as we all have. I just deal with it differently & maybe a little dramatic like.

& I figured that I would sound crazy, simply because we've only been dating for a few months... I can't really justify that. All I can say is that true feelings cannot be denied, & I'm certain that I love him.


Maybe I am asking a rhetorical question...?

--------------------
"...Our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

-- death cab for cutie.

Posts: 138 | From: Southern California, USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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