Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Resenting friend's girlfriend.

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Resenting friend's girlfriend.
worlds.soloist.
Neophyte
Member # 31452

Icon 1 posted      Profile for worlds.soloist.     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My friend and I go to the same school. I transferred to the school half-way through grade 10, but I already knew him from marching band. Last year we were best friends, and the only time he wouldn't be completely there for me (whether it was on the phone, on MSN or in person) would be when his girlfriend was there.

This year, his girlfriend decided to transfer to the same school. And I can't stand it.

There are a few reasons why I think this might be.

--I'm jealous because he spends more time with her than me.

-- I'm annoyed because as individuals they are fine, but together they seems to lose about half their braincells and it becomes similar to that episode of Seinfeld where Jerry and his girlfriend fight over who is really Shmoopie.

-- I feel inferior because I got into a relationship at around the same time they did. But mine crashed and burned and is a very long story resulting in depression. Everytime I walk in on them making out I am just reminded of how i can't keep a relationship going to save my life.

-- I'm confused because I don't know if I have a crush on him or not. I don't think I do. But I might. but it doesn't matter anyways because they are going to be together forever.

--I get frustrated because when she isn't around he is constantly saying how he misses her. He also compares other girls to her. Ie. "you know,-insert any girls name here- some people find your massive breasts attractive. I personally find them disgusting. I prefer perfect -insert friend's girlfriends name here- sized boobs." Not only is it completely innappropriate and unrelated to the current topic, but it is rude and disrespectful. [Mad]

-- the school we go to is an performing and visual arts school, so basically everyone goes there because they hope to go on in music, or better themselves as musicians, whereas I'm pretty sure her only motive for transferring was her boyfriend.

I think I'm just being really selfish by not being happy for him, but I knew this would happen as soon as she transferred here. I told him that, and he said it wouldn't happen, but it has and I really miss my friend.

I can't do anything about what's happening except for how I feel, but I guess I just wanted to know how other people have coped with this situation.

I hope at least some of that made sense.

Posts: 3 | From: Alberta | Registered: Nov 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
bellaitaliana69
Activist
Member # 29887

Icon 1 posted      Profile for bellaitaliana69     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I personally have never been in the exact situation you described, but I have been in a similar one where my best guy friend started dating one of my friends and then the only time I ever saw either of them was together and they were both therefore impossible to talk to in a normal fashion (similar to the way you described your friend and his girlfriend being). This is a tough situation because as you said you want to be happy for him because he's your friend. I think that the best way for you to go about resolving this situation would be to talk to him sometime when the two of you are alone and simply tell him how you feel. Explain that even though you're glad that he's happy in his relationship that you miss things the way they were before his girlfriend trasfered.

If he's a true friend, he'll take your feelings seriously. You did mention that they will be together forever, and though they may seem to have a perfect relationship now, it's not guarenteed to last. I wish you the best of luck in this situation.
~Gabi

--------------------
"Only fear the things which have the power to harm" --Dante Aligheri, "Inferno" canto 2

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law.

Posts: 136 | From: Roma, Italy | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
echomikeromeo
Neophyte
Member # 29978

Icon 1 posted      Profile for echomikeromeo     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I know what you mean, worlds.soloist. My best friend is male (I'm female) and he and I are really good friends, but he just recently contracted a girlfriend and now I feel jealous of her - not because I want to be his girlfriend, but because I can't be his friend who just happens to be female because now he's got an actual girlfriend, and because he now wants to hang out with her instead of with me and his other friends.

My suggestion to you, I guess, would be to concentrate on what makes your Platonic friendship different from the romantic relationship that he has with his girlfriend. Someone once said that friends are the people you talk about your lovers with - can you talk to him about things he might not necessarily want to discuss with his girlfriend? (Also, of course, no teenage relationship lasts forever. This may very well turn out to be a short-lived thing.)

On the other hand, if he's making disrespectful comments about the size of girls' breasts, I think I'd be kind of dubious about what kind of guy he is.

Posts: 29 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3