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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Parents blowing a gasket over my choices in life

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Author Topic: Parents blowing a gasket over my choices in life
Darkbella
Neophyte
Member # 12629

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This is a wired one, and a long one, and probably won’t apply to anyone under 18.

I’m not a minor any more. I’ve wanted to be a dominatrix (which is different then prostitution, there is no sex and it is completely legal) for as long as I can remember. Now that I’m 18, I’m going on interviews and my parents are going nuts. They wouldn’t let me take my car to the train station for the interview so I had to take a cab. They are convinced that anyplace I go to do with this career is tantamount walking into semi-elaborate traps to be killed. I went on the interview and cam back in one peace and I LOVED it so much, but I can’t seam to usage their fears. I think my dad is no considering taking my car away completely. This is going to tear us apart. (Especially on Long Island, where if you have no car, you can’t go anywhere, because obviously if you had enough money to be taking taxies all over the place, you’d buy a car, and the population isn’t dense enough for a buss system to run effectively, bikes, too)

I need help. Is there any way I can talk to them? I’ve given them all the info on the place I applied and went, the only info they didn’t get was the name and address of the friend who went with me (I didn’t want to take my first trip there alone) b/c the way they pressed him on it made him really uncomfortable and he didn’t want to give them his background (my parents are notoriously know around my neighborhood for being obsessively overprotective and keeping databases on my friends. Most of my friends aren’t comfortable with this) unfortunately the fact that this friend chose this one time to stand up for himself reflected badly on me at just the wrong moment.

I’ve shown them literature on the field on the web, I’ve given them the website, and they did a reveres phone number look up on the number of the place and freaked out because the name for that number didn’t sound American.

My mom still doesn’t understand how it’s different then prostitution because she says I’m still selling my body, but I’m not! I’m not being a prostitute or having sex. I’m selling a service. A masseuse who doesn’t have sex with anyone comes into more physical contact with her client then I would and she’s not “selling her body” she’s selling the service of touching and manipulating the client’s body in ways the feel good or relive pain. Models were more reveling cloths then I do but their not selling the bodies, they’d selling the service of making the cloths look appealing to people who would buy them! I’m selling the completely legal service of manipulating the client’s bodies in ways that either feel good, or cause pain (or some combination of the two) in order to better manipulate their emotions so the feel a certain way they want to feel-NOT MY BODY!

My dad don’t even sea to have a problem with it being risqué and sexual. He thinks I’m going to get kidnapped or mugged on over step I take. He thinks that the woman who runs the place is a front elaborately set up so that I can be kidnapped, and murdered. … However, I should mention he has thought that about EVRY PERSON OR PLACE I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! Including several people (and places) who have stopped me from committing suicide as a result of their overprotective-me best friends, people who have suck with me to help m out when I’ve been chased out of my house, or had to leave and escape because I just couldn’t take it any more.

I don’t care much about my mom, she has had no say in any of the parenting decision since I stated being put in charge of watching her when she overdosed on prescription pills. But I need my dad, I need my car.

My best friend and I practically live in that car when he was homeless, he slept in it every night. It’s my only way out of here. I cant stand being trapped here.

This is gonna be the thing that tears us apart, I want to do this, I will regret it the rest of my life if it don’t follow this passion. Even now I regret telling them and having any of this problem. I hate laying to my parents, but I hat this even more-usually I go with my instinct-don’t lie, confront them head on when I’m doing something they don’t’ want me to do (sleeping at a friends house, staying out late, and what not) and eventually the realize the reasons they didn’t want me to do it were over exaggerated and overblown when they see me come home in once piece every time, and they become ok with me doing it. I just don’ know what to do!

I don’t know why I typed for that long, I guess I needed to get all that out. Please help me?

Posts: 4 | From: Long Island | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 22471

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You're probably not going to like what I'm going to say, but this may be an issue that you're just not going to win on right now.

For starters - is the car actually yours? Do your parents pay for the registration, insurance, etc.? Did they give it to you originally or did YOU buy it? If so, there's not a lot you can do on the car front right now. If your parents object, and if they're threatening to take your car away, there's not a lot you can do to fight that if YOU aren't the one who really owns and pays for it.

This could just be something your parents aren't going to understand or accept; hopefully, eventually, whether it be in a couple weeks or years down the road, they ARE going to accept your desires to follow this passion, but for now, other than trying to discuss it with them (which, unfortunately, it seems hasn't made much headway) there's not a lot you can do in this case, either.

Also, I understand how much this is something you want to persue, but you're only 18, and while it's great for someone to be able to enter a field they enjoy from the start, and have it be something they can stay with long-term? Most people spend at least a few years building up a resume, working to save up money to buy a car, or rent an apartment to live on their own; many will go to school to learn a field they want to persue as a career, or after building up a resume may be able to then enter a field they want to work in longer term or can move up in over time and eventually turn into a career, etc. Basically what I'm saying is that at 18, sometimes it's more important to work to just establish yourself first and learn a bit more about being on your own before you're going to be able to persue all the goals you have in mind for yourself.

So, a possible solution for this? If you need to keep your car (again, if you don't own it), if you want your father's support right now? Let go of the idea of being a dominatrix right now, and instead? Find another job where you can start saving up money. Once you've saved up some, try to buy your own car, see about living on your own, start supporting yourself FIRST. Once you're NOT relying on your parents for a car, or for a place to live, etc. THEN begin to persue work as a dominatrix, because while you'll still want your father's support, it's not something you're going to need to rely on to do what you want to do.

--------------------
Jean
aka dailicious
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Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Darkbella
Neophyte
Member # 12629

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Thank you for the advice, but the situation has changed a little. It’s no longer an issue of they’re going to try to stop me:

I think the idea of taking my car has blown over, my dad said I can take the car to LIGALY tonight which I’m assuming means I have the rights to it back as long as I'm not going to the job. I think I can get by taking a taxi to the job for quit a while (I'm getting the vibe the will break on that soon too) but now there’s another issue that I’ve never really dept with before.

But my dad has moved passed anger. I've never seen him do that, now he's just crying like a baby. I have never seen him do that before in my life, he broke down and it made me feel so bad. I didn't want to like break him and destroy him like that. I mean, i hugged him and he just broke down in my arms.

I feel like a horrible person. I'm lucky enough to have a family that love me that much I and have to go and destroy them. I didn’t want them to do, that-I want to do this, but I don’t want this to be something that destroys them.

The two of them only had me, their one child and it’s like all they wanted was for me to go to collage and get a secure money-making profession. I feel like I’m crushing their dream by perusing my own. I don’t want to crush their drams, but I can’t do that at the expanse of crushing my own.

It’s like I think I’ve gained the freedom to do it, but I broke my family in the process. It’s like I always wanted to escape this drug addicted unhealthy ***-backwards family, but I just kind of want to leave it intact, I didn’t want to destroy it and break it in the process!

They wanted me so bad; I was their miracle baby. My mom wanted another but didn’t have on because they wanted me to have everything, they wanted to poor all their recourses in to me.

And I’m my dad’s last child (he has two adult children from a previous marriage) and the oldest one dose fetish porn which I wasn’t supposed to tell my dad about, but he found out when we were still and the angry fighting phase of this fight. For some reason he was ok with my starting a porn sit form home because that involved social isolation and no one could hurt me but somehow this id different… I don’t know.

I feel like maybe they should have had another child-but then I remember robin she’s got the job the family and all that stuff that they want for me, but I just don’t want to go that route…

My psycs on vacation for 5 more days. But thanks for trying to help and letting me get all that out on your boards. ;_;

Posts: 4 | From: Long Island | Registered: Apr 2003  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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