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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » dating an ex's best friend

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Author Topic: dating an ex's best friend
Member # 16787

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Since I know that I cannot be the only person in the world who has been in this situation, I would like to know if any of you have been or know someone who has been, and how they're situtaion turned out...
heres the deal...I dated a guy for nearly 3 years and broke up with him a little more than a month ago. During the past year and a half maybe (since we've been in college) he had become friends with this other guy because they lived in the dorm together. I became friends with this guy as well and now...we are unofficially dating I guess you could say.
So basically....who out there has or knows someone who is or has dated the best friend of an ex...I am just interested in how this situation turned out for everyone else!!
This weekend the guy I am "dating" is planning on talking to my ex(his friend) and let him know that we have been talking more and that he likes me and such(just an fyi for all of you)..soo...yea! whats up guys?!

Posts: 138 | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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You know, one month after a three year relationship can be pretty soon to start any kind of invested romantic relationship anew, anyway.

And if your ex was at all invested in your relationship -- which, given how long it went on for, he likely was -- barely a month after a breakup, finding out his ex is dating a best friend?

That's going to be a big OUCH for most people.

Why not be a bit kinder and wait on telling him about this? Give the poor guy some time to recoup. Frankly, I'd never advise someone date an ex's close friend, period, especially when a period of several years hasn't passed. But if you're deadset on this, the least you could do is refrain from bringing this to him so soon.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 16787

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we planned on telling him that we are interested in each other way later on than this...but our feelings for each other have progressed quite a bit faster than either one of us had expected. he doesn't plan on telling my ex the extent of how much we like each other or anything like that, really just that we have been talking more often and that he likes me and such.
I know it is really soon but like i said...neither of us planned on this happening between us and developing so quickly. Would continuing this behind his back and basically lying to him be much better than telling him earlier on anyway?
I don't think anyone would recommend dating an ex's close friend in any circumstance, but you really can't help the way you feel about something though, ya know? I was friends with this guy before and was actually quite attracted to him, though it was not the reason that I broke up with my boyfriend.

Posts: 138 | Registered: Feb 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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