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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Jelousy

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Author Topic: Jelousy
Blueandpink
Neophyte
Member # 25075

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I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for over 2 and a half years, we are very much in love. Around 2 years ago my best guy mate at the time was at my house and he tried it on with me, and then told me not to tell my boyfriend. I then felt very confused as me and this guy mate have always had a soft spot for eachother and i thought maybe i fancied him- i realised later i didn't. I din't tell my boyfriend this has happened because we were all at college together and i didn't want it to be akward when i spoke to my guy mate when my boyfriend was there.
However, nearly a year after this happened i told my boyfriend as i felt really bad about it, obviously he was upset and i made it worse by leaving it so long to tell him. So he's known for a year now and he still gets moments when he thinks about it and gets upset, he also says that he feels more jelous about little things because of this incident.
I want us to forget about this and for him to not let it affect him as i love him and hate him being upset, what can i do? if anything?

Thanks x

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DarkChild717
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 139

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At this point, time is going to be your best bet. Yes, you were honest with him, and yes, a year has passed, but it still won't heal all the wounds. Have you tried discussing it any further?

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Caylin, Scarleteen Volunteer
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Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Blueandpink
Neophyte
Member # 25075

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Yeh i mean we talk about it when he's upset, but he's know for a year now and i don't want him to hurt anymore. I think the worst thing was that we both knew him and trusted him- me especially as he was my best guy mate.
xxx

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Yes, but your issues with him aren't the same as your boyfriend's issues.

By all means, being pressured not to tell anyone at all about someone's sexual advances is crappy at best, and deeply manipulative at worst.

However, from your partner's perspective, and practically-speaking, it was you who breeched the trust the two of YOU had by choosing to wait so long to tell him. So, again, the best you can do is to give it time: it tends to take a long time to really earn someone's trust period, and when you lose it, it also takes a long time to really get it back.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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