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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Am I just making problems up?

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Author Topic: Am I just making problems up?
Member # 23394

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Ive been with my boyfriend for about a month and a half now, so not very long. He's really lovely- kind and considerate, and does really nice little thoughtful things for me. I still want to be with him but I keep getting these doubts about everything and I dont know where they are coming from! I see him with other girls at school and worry that he has more fun with them than me ( yes, i know how pathetic that sounds but i cant stop thinking it...)and i worry that we dont talk much. We are both quite shy people really so we tend to do the most serious talking over instant messenger or something like that, and it kinda bugs me a bit that we dont do the talking face to face. It just feels like everything's fine and im happy, and then i start thinking that somethings wrong, and then I act differently, and it affects us talking even more! So it's just a vicious circle. I just cant help being so scared of ruining things this early on, or that he'll get bored of me. I really havent met anyone as sweet as him before and I just really dont want it to go bad. I just cant stop thinking negative thoughts about something that i know otherwise is good! I don't know if I'm expecting too much too early on or what. Is it normal to worry so much? I just can't tell anymore.
Posts: 146 | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 139

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It might help for you to look at this relationship in a different light. All romantic relationships should have friendship as a basis, so focus on that aspect. The talking, the laughing, all that is what it is to be friends.

Worrying will do you no good. When you begin to worry, tell yourself "Worrying does nothing for me. I'm not going to worry!" and occupy yourself with something to take your mind off it.

Or, it's entirely possible that you're not emotionally ready to be in a relationship right now, and that's okay too.

Posts: 2789 | From: The Evergreen State | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26978

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I have a similar problem of communication with my new bf except we've been friends for years. This summer we went camping together and nothing really happened but it was obvious that we felt for eachother. Ever since we never really discussed anything and nothing really happened and we were both confused about how we felt. I just avoided the issue, and so did he. He actually started to distance himself away from me because he didn't want to wreck our friendship. Only at the same time it didn't seem like he wanted to be friends with me at all. I got really depressed and decided that if I really didnt want to feel like crap anymore I should just end our friendship altogether because it didn't seem like he wanted to be friends with me at all. I returned all his stuff but when i was ready to tell him, he wasn't there to talk to. Two days after that we were sitting together and I was again avoiding the issue and just leaning on him and being friendly with him when he told me he cared about me. We never even talked about it and I wasn't entirely happy but I did care about him and I told him I did. But he still doesn't call and its hard to believe this is the way he feels when he doesn't initiate any contact with me. We have such a major communication problem about that. It's strange, I love him as a friend but he was never a great friend and now he's not really a great bf. I'm not that great either. I'm confused but wouldn't he if he actually really cared try to initiate at least once to contact me? I feel like I'm carrying the relationship.

[img][/img] "For the honor of Grayskull"

Posts: 3 | From: Ca-nah-duh :P | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 26839

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I think it's normal to be worrying in the beginning that you're doing "too much" or "not enough" of something and analyzing your every move and every word for a sign that the relationship is going wrong.
Relationships are always awkward when they first start out. It has a lot to do with shyness. Anytime you feel insecure because you see him with other girls and you think they might be better than you, just remember, he picked YOU. That's the first thing to try to get past. And just know that it's only with time that a relationship can grow. Eventually you'll start feeling more comfortable around each other and instead of having to deal with what bothers you by yourself you'll be comfortable to talk about these issues with your guy. It's important to establish communication.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jan 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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