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Author Topic: My GF's friend
1985m
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Member # 22704

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I've been with my gf for 30 months and have been living with her for 18 months. Unfortunately after living with her, our relationship deteriorated with constant bickering and lots of little stuff that just builds up. We have decided to not live with each other when our lease expires in a month. We are still going to try and see if the relationship gets better with a bit of space.

About 6 months ago I met one of my gf's uni friends, I was instantly curious about her and couldn't stop thinking about her. Over time we've slowly become closer and (under the influence of alcohol) have been quite cosy (nothing sexual).

I just spent a week with my gf and a group of her friends camping, during which I spent alot of time with this girl alone walking in the bush and just hanging out. We've said that we would hang out a bit more after the trip (when my gf is not there), still never any intentions of being unfaithful to my gf, but oh how i want to.

Honestly, I think she feels the same. Having gotten to know her, I've found that we are very much alike in the way we think, behave and the things we like to do. Me and my gf are almost opposite to each other.

Is it strange/wrong to be hanging out with my gf's friend alone?

This whole situation has made me reassess my relationship with my gf, and wonder if I really do love her and want to be with her 4eva. But, I dont know if my feeling for the other girl are influenced by the negative emotional state in my relationship with my gf.

Even if nothing can ever happen between myself and the girl, or if i realise it was just a temporary infactuation, I still want to continue to be good friends with her.

Can you help me sort through my emotions?


Posts: 2 | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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My advice would be not to consider any new relationships while you're in this one.

That's not so much about cheating -- after all, thoughts don't compel you to act -- as it is about the fact that it's incredibly common for any of us to be more drawn to others, find new things more appealing, when we're having relationship problems or are in transition.

I don't see a problem with hanging out with your partner's friend... unless you really aren't pursuing a friendship, but trying to keep a ticket waiting for a later train, if you catch my drift. You'll have to sort your motives out for yourself on that one.

You also may want to do yourself a favor: rather than elvaluating your current relationship on the merits of it being "forever" or not, it's wisest to deal with it in the here and now, in a realistic, reasonable time frame. Think about how it might work over the next year or two, for example.


Posts: 67996 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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