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Author Topic: not interested?
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey,

I just have a quick question. My boyfriend, relativly new boyfriend I might add, doesnt seem to want to hang out with me unless I am staying over there or its just us and noone else. He doesnt make me have sex with him, I told him Im not ready (Im trying to work through some past sexual trauma's). But If i ask him if he wants to come over to my place and hang out, he wont, he always makes me go to his flat, and he just wants to make out and stuff. He doesnt make me, but he seems kinda bummed if I want to do what he wants to do.

A few weeks ago he said that I had to make sure I could take last night off of work so that I could go to this party with him, he kept asking me about it, and I finally managed to get the night off, and then he calls me 10 minutes before he is supposed to pick me up, and he says that he is working tonight and he cant go anymore, but that he will pick me up at 2am and i can just stay over at his place. He does this alot, just asks me to come and stay. I have met all his friends and all, but he mostly likes it to just be him and I and mostly just make out and have sex (not penis in vagina sex though) And I dont really want to do these things.

Do you think he is really interested in me? Or do you think he just wants to get off? SHould I get out of this before I end up doing a whole lot more things that I dont want to do? I do really like him, but I have this wierd feeling inside thats making me a bit uneasy about this. Or do you think he just likes to hang out like that and I should leave it? Thanks so much for your opinions, Much appreciated!!!

Nixie


Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pinky Clare
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Member # 26122

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As stated by Miz Scarlet in my post

"We're not a psychic hotline, luv.
If you, someone who has known him for two years, don't have a clue what's up with him, we, having never met him at all, can't possibly know.

But he probably has a clue. He's the expert on him."


Posts: 7 | From: Liverpool, England | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
feefiefofemme
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Pinky Clare /is/ right. But nonetheless, I don't think this sounds like a healthy relationship. If you're feeling at all uneasy about anything, you need to talk to him. And if he's not willing to comprimise, it might be time to bring your relationship to a close. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do, nor should you feel pressured by your partner to do so. You're better than that, hon.
Posts: 406 | From: California | Registered: Jun 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pinky Clare
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Member # 26122

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Can I just ask how old you and your boyfriend are? It sounds to me like he may need to do a bit of growing up and mature a little bit. As for cancelling you last minute, that might be pressure from friends etc. Try to talk to him if not then I would call this !relationship" to a halt hun. His problem not yours!!
Posts: 7 | From: Liverpool, England | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ladydexter
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If he won't come over, this relationship is not equal. If he's "bummed" when you say you don't want to make out, that is guilt tripping - if he sulks, you'll make out with him to get the sulks to stop.

Make your rules. You've been through a lot, from what I gather from your post in support groups. Sit down with him, and say "These are my boundaries, and you need to respect these". If he won't, then get out. Anyone who really is into you will respect your wishes. If you don't want to make out, have sex, whatever, say no, and if he sulks, just say "right, I'm leaving". Don't give in, because that just shows him if he sulks, he can get his own way.

Good luck to you, and I hope it all works out for you.


Posts: 336 | From: Manchester, UK | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
nixieGurl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 19081

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Hey,

Sorry, I know you are not psychic. Dont worry about it. I will have a talk to him I guess.

Nixie


Posts: 657 | From: NZ | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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