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Wandering-in-Grey
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Member # 26117

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Allright, My problem is quite simple, I cannot seem to form attachments to people.

First of all, a bit of background. Im an intelligent university student, not suffering from any sort of disorder that im aware of, Im not on some sort of medication and I lead a perfectly normal life in every other respect.

But for some reason, I *can't* let anyone into my heart. It's not a conscious decision, but it happens all the same. I recently had a falling out with a friend of mine, (we go back 14 years) and it does not bother me. I'll be sitting around the dinner table with my family, and the closest emotion I can attach to them is that im *fond* of them.

I try not to get involved with women, because it's not fair to them, yet at the same time im incredibly lonely. It's too frustrating to put into words.

Now im not unemotional, on the contrary, I have to blink back a tear or two during a sad movie and all that, but I don't think im capabable of loving anyone.

I suppose what im asking is this, has anyone ever had any experience with something like this? Please?

Sincerely,

A Shade of Grey


Posts: 2 | From: Winnipeg MB Canada | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Ecofem
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Well, first I have a question for you: How is your relationship with yourself? As in, do you feel good about who you are, what you study, what your interests are?

Re: The falling out with an old friend. People can change a lot and grow apart slowly, without seeming to even know it within fourteen years. While being upset would be natural, not being upset seems natural, too.

As for "letting people into your heart" versus "being fond" of them, it could also be totally about how various people define different things. And no one says you have to love anyone, friends and family included: If you enjoy their company, just enjoy it for what it's worth.

As for relationships with women, just develop friendships and see how they go. See how things develop naturally; knowing what you want, or at least recognizing what you don't want is probably better than being automatically enamoured in everyone. As for feeling lonely, I don't think romantic relationships should be seen as filling the void for loneliness. I think we all feel lonely at times, but I think this is then a sign to find something we are really passionate about and jump into it.

And, you know, you sound like a real thinker to me: Philosophizing about life, love, etc. Thinking is good, but sometimes too much analysis (about love, about relationships) can just lead to more pain without solutions. (Speaking from personal experience.)

I think our society makes a big deal of "college being the best time of your life", "hanging out with friends who will be friends for life", etc. However, the truth is that it has it's ups and downs. As a recent college graduate, I look back at college and see how hard and unhappy it was at times. So, I'd say just keep doing things you like doing, hanging out with people you enjoy spending time with, and see where life takes you.


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Wandering-in-Grey
Neophyte
Member # 26117

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Thank you Ecofem, you've given me a lot to mull over.

Sincerely,

Pondering in Grey


Posts: 2 | From: Winnipeg MB Canada | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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