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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » need third party opinions..

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Author Topic: need third party opinions..
Member # 25684

Icon 1 posted      Profile for chiartan     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hey, I just need a third party opinion here, ‘coz Im not sure whether what I think is true.. I know it’s very hard for you to comment if you don’t have the full knowledge of what’s happening, but just tell me what you think, yeah? I’ll try to be as clear as possible…


I’ve been with my boyfriend for more than a year. As you can see from my previous posts, I had sex with my boyfriend a little more than a month ago. He was a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend, and I agreed to do it because it’s him, I trusted him and I thought, we were going to be together in the end anyway (yes, we are very serious with each other).

However, as it turned out, I was not ready to have sex yet, my mistake. I was getting really really worried that I would become pregnant, and I would whine to him every now and then (not as often as EVERYDAY, but maybe like 2-3 times a week, when I just can’t take it anymore myself) because I have no-one else to talk about it other than to him. I admit that I can be pretty annoying when I whine. I just have to vent out my frustration, if not I’d be crazy soon.

However, almost all the time that I start complaining about this, he would become agitated. I feel that he never really listens to me and that he doesn’t care about what I feel and why I’m so worried. I feel that this is a bit unfair, since he was doing that together with me as well! Because of this, we start to fight often.

Right now, the situation is getting worse. We fight more often because I want him to listen to me and help console me or something, but he wants to study since his exams are coming up very soon (he’s in university, and I’m still in high school – he’s 19 and I’m 18). On the other hand, I’m getting more and more stressed out since my period is being SUPER LATE too (last time was 20 Sept – you might want to refer to my previous posts in Emergencies and Crises for a clearer picture of the problem). However, I understand his situation, so then I lower my expectation of wanting to be just beside him (not whining, not disturbing, just sitting there and BE beside him), since his presence really help to soothe me out. When he’s not around, my thoughts wander where it shouldn’t be, and I get really really worried and anxious, and it’s just really driving me crazy! But, unfortunately, he still declined to do this (because he said he’s stressed over his studies and that he needs time to study. But he’s a genius and usually he never spends time to study ‘coz he’s already so smart anyway), although I have promised him that I won’t disturb him at all.

Now I’ve got quite a number of question to ask you.
1. What do you think of the situation in general? Any comments?
2. Do you think that he is only “using” me for sex, then after he gets what he wants he doesn’t care about me anymore? As I said, previously he was a very wonderful boyfriend. Now, sometimes, he can still be wonderful, too. Just that he’s being a jerk more often lately.
3. I don’t want to accuse him of something he’s not guilty of, so I want to know your opinion whether it’s me that’s over-reacting or is it really him that should have treated me better…
4. What do you think we can do so that he can study and I can be with him at the same time? Do you think there’s a way to compromise about this? ‘Coz I really need someone to be with me..
5. This is out of “Relationships” topic, but is this lateness in period normal if I took double dose of EC last month (refer to my previous posts again..)? I had sex a few times after that but it was protected.. And the condom was properly worn and didn't break.

Sorry if this is very confusing for you.. Thanks a lot a lot a lot for your comments! Your help is greatly appreciated.. =)

Posts: 10 | Registered: Oct 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Beppie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
While it is important that your boyfriend takes your concerns seriously, and they should not be dismissed as "whining," he cannot tell you whether or not you are pregnant. If you are afraid that EC didn't work, then take a pregnancy test-- that is the only thing that will tell you for sure. Hopefully you have also arranged to have STD/STI tests, due to your unprotected sex.

There are lots of reasons that your boyfriend could be a bit on edge lately. Likely, he too is worried about a possible pregnancy added to the stress of his exams.

However, if you feel that a pattern is emerging in your relationship where you always feel that you have to apologise, and in which you always feel that you have to resolve arguments by making out that you were in the wrong (even if you weren't), then it is possible that there is some emotional abuse going on here.

I can give you no answer as to whether or not he was "using" you for sex, that is only something that can be determined between you and him.

Some people just need to be alone when they study-- if you need company, why not try to arrange an activity with another friend, or if that fails, you can always ring up a support hotline. Or you could try getting out of the house for some exercise, which could help take your mind off things.

Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 9536

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Leni     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Wow... ok, I might not be the expert in the subject, but seriously, if you are not ready to have sex, and you feel you are not, and you have told him so, he should not be making you do it.

If you are not ready, say so. State your grounds. If he loves you he has to understand. If he's not just *using you for sex* like you fear, he has to understand.

And yeah, like Beepie said, he's probably stressed by the exams and won't dedicate much time to you as usual. When tests are over have a word with him It really isn't good to be suffering in silence, just wondering. I can understand that part. In a realationship it's only fair if both know what's going on.

And really, if you are not ready for sex, don't do it! Don't force yourself, and don't let yourself be forced Respect, always respect

Love, Leni

dive into shine, even a deep darkness changes into shine, because i am believing the moment

[This message has been edited by Leni (edited 11-07-2005).]

Posts: 114 | From: El Salvador, but living in London :) | Registered: Aug 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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