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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » crazy... please please help

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Author Topic: crazy... please please help
perkyfish
Neophyte
Member # 18845

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I really dont know what to do.Recently my boyfriend has been put under a lot of stress with work, school, family and then also his friends being complete jerks to him. All of this stress is making him almost emotionless and its really draining on our relationship. Hes in somewhat of a depressed state all the time. I dont know what to do try to relieve some of this stress or atleast make him feel better about it. I ask him whats wrong but he just gets closed in on himself and untalkative because he doesn't feel that people care or that hes just complaining. I want to show him that im there for him and that things in the world dont have to be thought of soo negatively. I also dont want other problems to be effecting our relationship especially when I have nothing to do with them... i need help with dealing with his stress and with trying new things that will help spark this up so hes happy again and affectionate much more. Relationships are hard I know I just need a little advice.
Posts: 35 | From: Fridley, MN, United States | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Thing is, when you;re in an initmate relationship, all that stuff IS to do with you: the stresses our partners carry are, to some degree, our stresses, and vice-versa. A relationship can't happen in a vacuum, after all: it's about sharing our whole lives.

That said: have you just asked to sit down and talk about this? To make clear what you need and to find out what HE really wants and needs right now?

There's so special sparky-trick to that, that's just basic, daily communciation towards a productive end, and it tends to be a lot more helpful than asking what is wrong, especially if you don't know if your partner would prefer to talk about what's up or would prefer some time alone, an escape from it, et cetera.


Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
perkyfish
Neophyte
Member # 18845

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Yes we talked about it all today and then he went off about problems that had been bothering him about me. Its just I dont know if he even knows what hes talking about because he would say that im not being there for him and then like 10 mins later he would blame himself for everything. Its hard to know what a person really wants or needs to have to feel better. Ive been really patient for months and i really want this to work out. No harm can come out of me trying to make things better.
Posts: 35 | From: Fridley, MN, United States | Registered: Jul 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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