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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » Internet Love?

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Author Topic: Internet Love?
Member # 16336

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I have broken up with my girlfriend of about 3 yrs a couple of months ago and it was a mutal thing. We both were growing apart and heading in different directions. So I really had no problem with it. Well recently I met a girl online from a website She's sweet and nice and I know she's not a creepy old man who wants to rape me cuz I have her picture and she has mine. She also has my cellphone number so I know she is pretty much a woman. So far I have told her the truth, everything I have told her is true. But the only thing we haven't really discussed is age. See, she is 21, and I'm still in high skool almost 16. I feel like I'm very much in love with her. She lives in the next state to mine. I know she has deep feelings for me too and letting her know I'm almost 16 might just be heartbreaking and just ruin whatever we might have had. I know in the state of Va it's illegal for us to be no more than friends.
What should I do? Everytime I talk to her it's like I can't believe I've found someone but the age difference makes me just want to cry. If I could just be 17 or 18. What should I do?

Posts: 77 | From: Roanoke,Virginia, USA | Registered: Jan 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Keeping a secret like age can destroy a relationship if it's uncovered later on. It is not something you can keep from her and she will find out eventually- it's better you tell her yourself and you tell her NOW.

I had a friend who was in a long distance relationship with someone she met online. They exhanged pictures and talked on the phone all the time and truly were in love, but she has always been very grown-up for her age: she is very tall and matured very quickly and looks a good five years older than she really is at least... she got into this when she was 16, he was 24, he thought she was 18. She did eventually have to come clean with him and although he did love her as a person, the fact that she kept that from him basically broke down a lot of the trust he had for her and made things really difficult and their relationship ended up basically blowing up and apart...

If you tell her now, rather than trying to keep it a secret, for sake of the relationship, things will go much more smoothly. If this woman cannot think of a relationship with you for who you are right now, reguardless of age, she probably won't be ready a couple years from now even if you were of legal age then.

If she accepts what age you are and is willing to remain close to you and see where things go when you are legally able to advance with her, then the relationship will be more meaningful now and in the long run.

The longer you put off telling her, the worse things can get, and the longer you might be building a good relationship on deception.

Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Brite Crayon83
Member # 23517

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You want to build a relationship right? Well building a relationship thats based off a lie, isnt exactly foundation for a strong and healthy relationship.

You need to tell her how old you are. What happens if you lie to her, and then you meet up and she knows you are only about 16? That would shock her and prolly get her pretty darn upset.

Its best to be straight up honest about sitchs like these.

Yea you can only be friends now (legally) by maybe now you can take the time to learn more about each other, and hang out and just have a really good time with one anothers company.

Be honest. Youll feel better if you tell her.

Posts: 74 | From: Rhode Island, USA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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She's sweet and nice and I know she's not a creepy old man who wants to rape me cuz I have her picture and she has mine. She also has my cellphone number so I know she is pretty much a woman.

You need to be aware that it's awfully easy for people to send photos that aren't of them, or to lie about certain aspects of their identity.

Not to be paranoid, but it's still sensible to take basic precautions if you do want to meet up. That's true with anyone you meet on the net.

We actually have a whole article about online relationships which you might find helpful:

Getting Real: Relationships on the Net

As it points out, it's unwise to jump to the conclusion that you love someone and that they're perfect for you until you've at least met them in person. The net is a wonderful tool for communication, but it only shows us one aspect of someone.

So start by being honest with her about your age, then see how things go from there.

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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