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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » no phone call.in a bad mood

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Author Topic: no phone call.in a bad mood
YingYang
Neophyte
Member # 20154

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Ok,so here's my issue.My boyfriend has spoken to me once today,for a matter of about 30 seconds because i asked him to call me and make sure that i got up to go to my morning class since i'm not so much of a morning person.So it's not exactly like he called me just because he wanted too.He hasn't called me even once just to say hi all day long,even though i know he has severeal breaks while he's at work and usually calls during lunch.even on the occasions that he doesn't call,he usually answers when i call him,especially when it's almost 10 pm and i know he's not working.but not tonight he doesn't answer and doesn't return my calls and didn't respond to any IMs i sent although he was online.one of my guy friends tells me that i am just overreacting by being annoyed by this and that i should just calm down and give him some room to breathe and that he has a life too.the thing is,i think that as his girlfriend his life should include me instead of making me feel excluded and unwanted.he has plenty of room to breathe because we live about 45 min away from each other and we don't see each other all the time because he works and i work and go to school as well.and we haven't spoken all day long.so it hardly seems like i'm smothering him or being clingy.i never try to stop him from hanging out with his friends or doing what he wants to do,he has plenty of space and time apart from me.but i don't think that it's too much to ask of him to just take a minute or two out of his day to pick up the phone and call me,just to say hi so that i know he's thinking about me.even when i'm busy or at work or school,i find atleast a moment to stop and give him a call,just to let him know he's on my mind and i enjoy talking to him,because that's what i'd expect in return.it's a really little thing that means alot to me,which is why i'm so upset about it.am i overreacting to this?could there maybe be something wrong and he's avoiding me?i don't know what to think.how should i deal with a problem like this?i would really appreciate any help or advice.

sorry to go off on such a long tangent,but once i get started it's hard to stop...yall know how it is.....


Posts: 5 | From: Georgia,USA | Registered: Sep 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Many, many couples do not talk every day, due to many different situations and preferences.

Sounds like he is one of those people in terms of how much contact he wants, and you want something different. Neither is better or worse, they are simply different.

Which means you talk about it, and likely reach an easy compromise -- with you stepping back from being so intense about needing constant contact/validation, and he making an effort to make some to a degree you both agree is reasonable -- between the space he wants and the contact you need.

But do approach it without seeing yourself on the winning side: it's no more "right" for you to want that much contact than it is for him to want what level he wants. Approach it by saying you know you want a little more, and he less, so how can you guys work it out together?

Easy-peasy.

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Heather Corinna
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pwettypnai
Neophyte
Member # 22876

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i felt the same thing about my boyfriend for about a week until 2 days ago. i found out that he cheated on me and we are now broken up. i hope that this is not your case, just something to think about though. good luck girl.
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UMchica325
Neophyte
Member # 20622

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That is sooo crazy...I swear that I could have written your post word for word about a week ago. I was going through the exact same thing with my boyfriend. The solution is to talk about it and come to an agreement, like was mentioned above (sorry i don't remember who said it).
Posts: 7 | From: Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Registered: Oct 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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