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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Relationships » This is very long im soooo sorry but i need help

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Author Topic: This is very long im soooo sorry but i need help
SumThinMeanAndSweet
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This is very long im soooo sorry but i need help.
Well here goes.Iv been dating this guy for about 8 months.I dont know if its dating but someone can tell me when you give me a response.But i met him in feb. and just talked for a while.Meaning phone conversations and face to face talking we never kissed just kinda connecting.

Then in march we went on our first date to the movies no dinner because he didnt have enough money but it was no problem.Im easy to please but I let it go.Well i went back to his house talked for some more just connecting.At the end of the night lil kiss on the lips no tongue.It was kool.

Weeks going by were having nice fun conversations takes me out on another date everythings kool.Hes telling me how much he likes me and doesnt want to hurt me.Im liking his attitude its very positive.He want to be with me and were connecting.In May we finally have sex.Protected and it was good no problem.

More weeks go by hes telling me he doesnt want me to date other guys and im suggesting the same thing too.We agree and then everytime we see each other we have sex.I guess i was starting to really like him.He was sweet and becomeing someone me special.I considered him my boyfriend.I mean he wasnt dating no one and i wasnt either.

Well he first told me he loves me sometime in april and that he was falling in love with me and he wants to be with me forever.No one else can have me cause he has me and im special and he really likes and wants to be with me.How cute.Well about 3 months ago we started argueing alot.Mainly about why he doesnt call me and when he says he gonna call me he never does.I mean i would call him aleast 4 times a week and he would call me 2 times a month.Very depressing.I would ask him if he still likes me and he would say yes.All this he misses me and all the good stuff i want to hear.Those were the good conversations.Then sometimes i would call after not speaking to him for about 2 days and he would talk to me for about 4 minutes and say hes playing the game he gonna call me back later and he never does.

Infact he never calls the day after either .When i say why dont you call me his excuss is "im not a phone person".Mighty strange because when we first started talking he seemed like a phone person to me.Well i continued to take the bs because i had fell in love with him.i guess i was stupid.

When we first got together i told him all my relationships were very bad and the last one somehow ended up to be a friends with benifits which hurt me really bad because i though we were dating and he was my man but come to find out he was cheating on his girlfriend with a whole bunch of girls and lying to us saying we were his only gf when we were just sex to him and he had his main lady.Anyhoo.I told him this and said i dont want that kind of relationship because those hurt alot.And i dont do friends with benifits.If were not bf gf then i dont want you.He said he would never do that to me and that hes not that type of guy.

So i thought we were fine.Well like i said we had been arguing for about 3 months.So i got tired of it and told him how i felt last thursday.I told him that i felt like all we do is have sex and argue.And i wasnt likeing it.It was depressing me and hurting me that when we argued he wouldnt be there for me because we would be mad at each other but sex was the only thing that brought us back together.

So i then asked him about the status of our relationship and he said we were just friends.I was devestated hurt and felt like a slut.Now if were were friends from the begining i would not have had sex with him because i do not have sex with my friends and when we had good conversations we should not be talking like we were together and we were not breaking up because we were gonna make it last nor should he be giving me hickies if i was just a friend.

Several times in the arguements we he would say he doesent want to break up.(FYI Friends dont break up couples do)So i ask him why are we not together Iv been with only you for 8 months and he says he doesnt fell safe with me.Like hes not ready to give me his heart and make that committment to me yet that he needs a year to do it.Now im confused.Because if you needed all of that why did he string me along as if were were bf and gf when we wasnt.Why didnt he stop me when i would pour my heart out and tell him how much i loved him and how much i dont wanna be with nobody else and and basically gave him my everything.My feeling for him was just growing and growing and he said nothing.

I just dont understand.Then to top it off he tells me in the conversation that i better not date any other guys because he not finished with me that were still gonna be together but just not now.Were gonna just be friends.So i said if were just friends then i can date other guys.And he says no i cant.Im trying to understand what happened in this relationship.Why didnt it work and why is it that im always the "friend" and never the girlfriend? Just to mention he hasnt called me since thursday and today is tuesday.He said he was gonna call me back and he has yet to do so.

Im just confused.He hasent called me but says he "still wants to be with me"This is making me so depressed i cry all the time like several times a day and cant stop smoking ciggaretts.I cant stop thinking about him because he really made me happy.I really felt happy with him.

Now I feel low, stupid, and disscusting for having sex with him if it was only sex.I fell as if i need to talk to someone because im tired of being hurt.And the one thing he said he wouldnt do because i had been though it already he went and did.Please help.I really love him but at the same time im developing hatred towards him.

Posts: 56 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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If you had a conversation about being exclusive, which you mentioned you did, then that was/is a relationship. If he wants to change the status of that, he needs to talk to you about it. He cannot just decide that you were never in a relationship at all.

And if it it takes him a year to feel comfortable committing, then I gotta wonder what he was doing for 8 months in a relationship that sounded very much like it was exclusive and comitted.

In short ... this guy sounds like a big jerk. Don't let him string you along now. He can't just put you on hold until he decides it's time to committ.

Also, if the sex you had was consentual at the time, he didn't talk you into anything and you were ready and willing - then you don't have anything to regret. Of course it's understandable you feel betrayed now. But you made those decisions at the time with the information you had, and it seemed right to you, so just accept that for what it was, mhm? No need to beat yourself up over it now.

I think it'd be a good idea if you talked to the guy and told him that you're not interested in continuing a relationship or a friendship with him. You deserve better than that.

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SumThinMeanAndSweet
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Thank you for your reply September.It was very helpful.Just a question what is mhm? or is it a typo.Plus i dont wanna talk to him.I think it would make me more depressed.So i think im gonna just gonna try to get over my feelings for him and then in a few months if he wants to be pletonic friends then so be it but other than that i dont think i need to explain my feelings anymore because it doesnt work.Im gonna definitly move on.
His lost.

Posts: 56 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissa1506
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Hey i was kind of in the same situation as you- same time frame too,met in feb all that. my bf had went missing for like one month but when i first met him before we had any of the exclusive convos, but listen dont regret having sex with him, it was what you wanted at the time and for you to do it you must have felt it was right, so deff dont regret that. But Deff get yourself back do things you enjoy or love doing and DO NOT CALL HIM!! if its meant to be in time he will call you ! trust me if he feels about you the same way you feel about him, and he sees your not calling him he will call! but if he doesnt then you know what he wasnt the right one for you and move on... but im a believer in 2nd chances and i really think he will callu just dont wait on it, do your own thing for now, take care of your self but do not call him!!! he will realize that you are not calling him and wonder what is going on! ( and its okay to keep checking your missed calls and texts to see if its him! hahah )
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
pwk23
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If you're not in a relationship and you want to date other guys, then he has no right to tell you not to because he's "not finished" with you. I wouldn't even call him a friend because friends don't control each other's lives like that. I'd say that even though it hurts, let him go now. You deserve far better than how he's treated you.
Posts: 47 | From: WA | Registered: Jun 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
SumThinMeanAndSweet
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Thanks melissa1506 and pwk23.I really appriciate you guys advice.Although its very hard to try not to call him because i really want to i havent because in my head theres a voice that says put the phone down when i pick it up and then i sign online to this site and see Melissa1506's comment in big letters "DONT CALL HIM" and i dont.And pwk23 i dont wanna be his friend anymore after seeing what you wrote.I realized friends dont do this to each other and i dont think i want to pick up his phone call when he decides to call.i told everyone in my house not to give me the phone when he decides to call because we have nothing to talk about.And if he wanted to still be friends he would have called me the day after just to see if i was taking this "break up" well if hes "not finished with me yet"
Hes a jerk and he missed out on the best thing that could have happened to him in a relationship.I'll find me someone better who will appriciate me and got give me BS.His lost like i said.

[ 11-01-2006, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: SumThinMeanAndSweet ]

Posts: 56 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
melissa1506
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goood job not calling! it gets easier every day! guys disappear my own bf did it b4 we were going outt when we just met he disappeared for liek 3 weeks didnt cal nothing!!! and then one day he called me back outta no where 3 weeks later, i didnt ask ne questions as to where he went, i cried my eyes out those 3 weeks, and normally i wooda said 2 ne other guy no way no more chances but i felt sumthing with him from the start and we r still 2gether now! .....but listen if he dont call its not meant 2 be, nd if he does call its deff ok not 2 answer his first few callls! let him wonder like u been! my friend told me once sumtimes guys disappear when they r scared n maybe realized their feelings for someone hell come around again, but lissen if he dont then he did u favor! but whatever u do - DO NOT CALL HIM!!! if you go 2 pick up that phone or Im him dont! just call up and order a pizza to his house! hahahaha so when the delivery gets there hes screwed! lol thats mean but hey! instead of dialing him u could laugh at that!
Posts: 88 | From: ny | Registered: Oct 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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