a couple of weeks ago, i met this guy. this really strange guy. this really sweet guy. this guy that im completely in love with. and he doesnt know.
its really weird how things work out. when i met this guy i thought, omigod, how can kayla like him(kayla is one of my good friends that introduced me to him, she had a crush on him at the time), hes so gross!!
it was partly to blame for the light at the place where we were, me thinking that he was gross, since hes one of the most gorgeous people that ive ever met. anyways, after that night i'd see him at school quite alot and i became pretty good friends with him. then i started to develop a crush on him.
a couple of nights ago that all changed. we were at the skate rink(me, my best friend monica, and him), and i started to feel really sick. so sick that i couldnt speak. i was in a lot of pain, so i dont remember much, but i remember one thing more clearly than i remember anything else in my life.
when i was only half concious, i remember alister holding me. i can remember his arm around me. it was so warm, and so reassuring. i just felt so safe. and then i realised i was in love wif him, and my whole state of mind changed, because i knew that he dont like me and i knew that i didnt have a chance with him anyway because of the 3 year age gap. the problem is that i cant stop thinking about him, i cant get his face out of my mind, and its starting to drive me crazy.
its really hurting me, and ive even been cutting myself with a razor blade lately to help get my mind off it. half of my left arm is covered with slashes. please help me. i'm starting to lose my mind.
First of all, you need to give him a chance to tell you that the relationship isn't going to work. You can't assume it for yourself, and then drive yourself crazy over it. You don't have a definate answer, and you really do need one.
I have to ask ... Why are you cutting yourself? What is it doing for you? I know people do it for different reasons, and that's why i'm asking. Whatever the reason, it really needs to stop, and you need to get some help. Is there an older adult or a guidance counselor you can talk to?
It's okay to be upset by this for a little while, but if it really isn't going to work out, you need to move on. Do you have any really good girlfriends that would take you out a few nites a week and get your mind off your troubles? Also, i would avoid having any contact w/ him until it no longer hurts you to look/talk or think about him. From personal experience, i think it's a little hard to be friends w/ someone you really wish you could be more w/. So why put yourself in that position?
I can understand where you're coming from. I was diagnosed with depression on March 3rd, 2001, and put into a mental hospital for suicidal attempt. Cutting wrists.
I also can understand where you're coming from -- the love part. I must confess, I do cut myself every now and then to release the pain from everyday life, but girl, you have to tell this boy how you feel. You can't just let love sit around, reading a magazine, while you are going crazy!
Tell him. Even if he says it won't work, keep this story in mind:
"One day, a girl stumbled upon a 50 dollar bill. She spent this 50 dollar bill on nessesities she needed. After she spent 10 dollars, the rest of the 40 was gone. She walked down the sidewalk, and there was a 100 dollar bill laying right there, and she placed in the bank to keepsake."
My point is, if he leaves, you will have another boy discover you, and you will fall in love. Maybe you'll stay together forever. But until you get that 100 dollar bill, keep looking. And try every single $50 that you can find.
hi. i no i need to stop cutting myself, i just cant. some ppl do it to try and change mental pain to phsical. thats pretty much why i do it. and about getting help, its one thing to say and completely another to do. the truth is, im afraid. i also know that i need to tell him. i was apparently talking in my sleep at the skating thingy, and i sed that i liked him then. i dont no if i really sed that, and i dont no what he thought. but im gonna ring him, straight afta i get off the net. i want to tell him. ill probably lose my nerve though. oh well. bye
Hey hon, you have gotten some really good advice so far but I think the first step to being able to stop cutting is to want to.
You have to recognise why your actions are harmful and want to stop and find an alternative way to release the pain.
I hope you managed to talk to this guy and at least let some of what is hurting you out in the open.
Try to find alternative ways to let go of your frustrations. Keep yourself occupied. Write in a diary or an online journal. It takes alot of willpower to stop cutting and it will be difficult, but unless you really want to stop cutting for yourself, nothing any one of us says can really be of help.
Talk to a school counsellor or a close family friend or even your parents. Once you can lay things out in the open, it will be easier for you to handle whatever emotions you are going through.
Just think about what everyone has said and I hope everything works out for you. This guy is not the be all and end all of everything. It isn't the end of the world if things do not work out with this guy. I know we all think it will be if the person we like doesn't like us back but as we grow older, we realise that there is more to life than just that one person.
So cut yourself some slack and understand that eve if the guy should reject you, it does not reflect on how much you are worth.
ouch babe you need to think about things a little, he hasn't turned you down you can only but ask him. you never know he may feel the same way about you, have you tried talkin to anyone about this you know we're all here if u need help!
------------------ ~~It's Never Easy Reaching For Your Dreams....But Those Who Do, Walk In Stardust~~
Hey hun. I know how you feel. I know you are hurting, and i know that you fell hard. you are cutting yourself to get your mind off the emotional pain, and replace it with physical pain. I did it for years. And it didn't do me any good. You have to find another way to vent. Talk to someone, paint, draw, run, dance, anything. No one is worth doing hurting yourself like that. It's a problem, one you need to tell someone about. Talk to Alister. Tell him how you feel. Love is a fickle thing. But hun, take care of yourself. If you need someone who knows what you are going through, and can help, I'm always here. You can email me if you want. --edited-- Take care of yourself. You dont want those scars on your wedding day do you? you have to love yourself, before you can love anyone else.
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[This message has been edited by ookuotoe (edited 10-27-2002).]
Posts: 6 | From: Covina, CA, USA | Registered: Sep 2002
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hey. thanx for all the great advice. i still havent stopped cutting myself, but im getting better, and im closer to stopping. i still havent talked to him, cos i got myself suspended for punching this bitch at school, but im going back to school tomorrow. im also very stressed right now, because one of my friends at school, jackie got her neck cut open with a scalpul, by this asshole at school, and is currently in intensive care at the hospital and im really worried about her, she almost bled to death. luckily, the guy who slashed her neck got expelled straight away. on top of me getting suspended for the second time this year, and ecspecially this whole thing with alister, i missed my end of year english assignment, while ive been on suspension. i also missed alot of other important work at school, so with all of that stuff happening, and now poor jackie getting her neck slashed(she had to get something like 50 stitches in her neck), im not exactly in the best state of mind right now. im planning on trying to talk to him tomorrow, if i see him. see ya. ciame
quote: i got myself suspended for punching this bitch at school, but im going back to school tomorrow. im also very stressed right now, because one of my friends at school, jackie got her neck cut open with a scalpul, by this asshole at school,
If you're hanging out with people who settle fights with sharp blades, and assaulting anyone who bugs you, this boy is the least of your problems. You need to do some major work on self-control and aggression, find yourself company that's not going to be putting you in more danger, and abide by the laws of your country, or you could soon be facing much worse.
------------------ Milke, SSBD, RATS
Better living through Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V
Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000
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